Our self-image is formed by allowing ourselves to be influenced by various authority figures. As we mature and accept the responsibility of defining ourselves, these internalized voices of authority must each be examined and evaluated. It is only when we take back our own power to define ourselves that we are truly free.
Our conscious mind is where thoughts are formed. Our subconscious mind is where our creative mind takes root. As we learn to harness the vast power and energy of the subconscious mind, we are tapping into our real source.
Transactional analysis therapists estimate that we each have 25,000 hours of internalized negative self-talk. We are generally taught what is wrong with us by our authority figures at home, school, church, etc. In an effort to understand who we are, we accept these self-limiting labels as who we are. However, we each individually are the only one who can truly “know” who we are, or, at least, we are in the best position to make the best educated guess. Learn to challenge the “voices” (one of friends called them “the committee”) or negative self-talk you carry around in your head. Listen to what you tell yourself about you.
In learning to monitor your inner critic, learn to first determine if the criticism is helpful. If you find the suggestion to be helpful, next check to see if the inner critic is kind, gentle, and polite to you. If it is in a condemning voice, ask you inner critic to speak kinder to you.
The techniques you may use to change your inner critic from enemy to friend are: speed up the volume, mimic a falsetto voice, etc. My favorite ploy when I was learning this was to scream “Stop”. It is better to practice these techniques while alone. As someone has suggested—learn to join the airwaves until you own the station.
Self-esteem comes from how we evaluate and accept or reject input as well as the foundation we’ve created from the successes we’ve experienced. By learning to focus on our strengths rather than on our weaknesses, we have each take charge of our own destiny.
After learning how to utilize our inner critic, we next need to take charge of our thoughts. What we choose to focus our thinking on determines what we will think and feel about ourselves. You are what you think you are. By substituting positive self-talk for negative self-talk, we are re-programming ourselves for positive action.
Read more here.
Dark night of the soul-
“All the maps tell us that on the path to authentic self hood, we must remain for a time in the dark night of the soul, in the winter of our discontent, until we reach the very bottom of despair. Only then do we discover that the seeds of renewal are blindly pushing up through the fertile loam toward the yet eclipsed sun.
In past times theologians, philosophers, and spiritual pilgrims spoke about this part of the journey as being crucified, dead, and buried, losing their ego, being lost in the wasteland or a slough of despair, descending into hell, being consumed by hungry ghosts, being in the belly of the beast, doing battle with dragons, encountering demons.
Nowadays we strip it of poetry and give it clinical names— stress–depression–burnout. And, predictably, having renamed the phenomenon, we have created a new class of professionals—stress managers, therapists, and burnout consultants—who destroy the spiritual significance it once had.
When we arrive at the dark pit of despair, we have reached the low point in the spiritual journey….Despair is the grave from which we may be born again.” Sam Keen
Each is unique-
“This, I believe, is the great truth: that each of us is a completely unique creature, and that, if we are ever to give any gift to the world, it will have to come out of our experience and fulfillment of our own potentialities, not someone else’s.” Joseph Campbell
“When the family energy is focused on the problem of the adult rather than on the needs of the children, the results for the children are the state of not knowing they come first, the state of believing that they have to fix the situation, and the state of believing that life is about surviving instead of enjoying and that the meaning of life is to get through the struggle of life.” Cathleen Brooks
“Men’s fears focus around loss of what we experience as our independence and women’s around the loss of significant relationships. We most fear engulfment—anything that threatens to rob us of our power and control. Women most fear abandonment, isolation, loss of love.” Sam Keen
God of activity-
“If the world stands bewildered and confused in the face of its trouble, it is partly because we Westerners have made a God of activity; we have yet to learn how to be, as we have already learnt how to do.” Paul Brunton
“We don’t want to feel helpless, so we use fear, anger, addiction, or unbridled sexuality to block out our helpless feelings. The fact is that if we cannot openly face our feeling of helplessness, we cannot receive help. It is important that we accept our helplessness, taking it to God and allowing Him to be strong where we are weak. When we let Him be God, we receive continuous healing for our woundedness. But when we hide our pain, helplessness, and insecurity, we find ourselves at the mercy of our narcissistic, wounded false self with its insatiable craving for validation and anesthesia.”
“For all of us, the starting place of healing is reconciliation with our own heart. Whether we are unable to forgive ourselves for what seems a major wrongdoing, or we have locked into chronic self-judgment, we are at war, cut off from our own tenderness, our own spirit. … If we can see past our faults to our human vulnerability, we are on the path of reconciliation. Our self-compassion will naturally lead to caring about others, and perhaps, to an experience of love and connectedness we never imagined possible.” ~ Tara Brach in her book, True Refuge
My inner self-
“They cannot scare me with their spaces
Between stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.”
Our inner child-
“Whether we like it or not, we are simultaneously the child we once were, who lives in the emotional atmosphere of the past and often interferes in the present, and an adult who tries to forget the past and live wholly in the present. The child you once were can balk or frustrate your adult satisfactions,^ embarrass and harass you, make you sick-or enrich your life.
H. Norman Wright
Our inner child-
“Inner child is the carrier of our personal stories, the vehicle for our memories of both the actual child and an idealized child from the past. It is the truly alive quality of being within us. It is the soul, our experience throughout the cycles of life. It is the sufferer. And it is the bearer of renewal through rebirth, appearing in our lives whenever we detach and open to change.” Jeremiah Abrams
Our inner child-
“In the adult there lurks a child–an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and that calls for increasing care, attention, and education. This is the part of the human personality that wishes to develop and become whole.” Carl Jung
“Intimacy that’s too good to be real ought to make you stop and take heed, especially when it happens fast. No matter how much you want to believe it can happen quickly, real intimacy takes time. Sharing yourself, as opposed to losing yourself, is a delicate procedure that evolves step by step.” Susanna Hoffman
The journey inward-
“The longest journey is the journey inward, for he who has chosen his destiny has started upon his quest for the source of his being.”
Knowledge and action-
“I am convinced that knowledge and action are frequently synonymous, identical in the Socratic fashion. Where we know fully and completely, suitable action follows automatically and reflexively. Choices are made without conflict.” Abraham Maslow
“No man has earned the right to intellectual ambition until he has learned to lay his course by a star which he has never seen,–to dig by the divining rod for springs which he may never reach…Only when you have worked alone,—when you have felt around you a black gulf of solitude more isolating than that which surrounds the dying man, and in hope and in despair have trusted to your own unshaken will,—then only will you have achieved. Thus only you gain the secret isolated joy of the thinker.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
“In our lives we are faced with a set of core issues that resurface again and again in different settings, with different people, at different times. These issues involve our relationship with the world, with ourselves, with our Higher Power. These are our life lessons.
Stephanie Covington and Liana Beckett
“Authentic love is a dance with three movements: solo, counterpoint, and coming together; it embraces solitude, conflict, and intimacy.” Sam Keen
“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.” Ramona Anderson