Journey-First Step by Melody Campbell
Every day since 1976, I have tried to follow God’s help for my life. I believe that God will help anyone who opens his/her life/heart to Him.But following His will is sometimes difficult. The difficulty is in not letting your ego interfere with your soul.
I keep several books in my “textbooks for my life” group. I keep these separate and available and use them as textbooks. One of them is Callings: Finding and Following and Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy. Listening to callings for a life direction takes much patience and faith.
In Callings, Levoy relates: “Just as in monastic life, where there are periods of being a candidate and a novitiate before taking vows, so in life our calls are also tested. We are tempted away and distracted; we hear the siren song of old habits and addictions; we feel pure laziness and amnesia; we discover the cold necessities of life.”
“Joseph Campbell called this part of the heroic journey “the road of trials” which is between The Epiphany and The Grind, between the heart flushed with heroic song and the heart with its human frailties. On this road, we answer the elemental question of whether our commitments are real or imagined.
The ordeals on this endless road, the dragons that have to be slain over and over again, serve to test us, like the Sphinx who confronted Oedipus before he could continue his journey. They teach us humility and a sense of proper perspective, and they help reveal our hidden powers.”
One of my issues after years of practice in listening to the God of my understanding has been accepting larger gifts than I “deserve”. Who decides what I “deserve”? What if I may receive the desires of my heart?
According to Brian Mahan in his book, Forgetting Ourselves on Purpose: Vocation and the Ethics of Ambition, “vocation speaks of a gracious discovery of a kind of interior consonance between our deepest desires and hopes and our unique gifts, as they summoned forth by the needs of others and realized in response to that summons.”
“That’s what’s so enticing about the idea of vocation: in embracing one’s vocation, the draining internal opposition between compassion and personal ambition is, at least in principle, overcome.
As Frederick Buechner says, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
In continuing about callings, I am using another book from my “textbooks for my life” group of books, Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water, by Brain Luke Seaward. He writes: “At some point in life, each individual is beckoned by the call of his or her soul to fully awaken spiritually. It may be curiosity, an intuitive inclination or a full-blown crisis. My friend Jane is one of many people who, as Kubler-Ross would say, has entered into her spiritual quarter—someone who has begun to question the meaning of life and her relationship to the universe.”
“Some people walk gracefully into this stage, some stumble, still others immerse themselves. Since the territory is unfamiliar, however, the majority of people refuse to budge, thus denying any pursuit of the spiritual aspect of their lives.”
Having been born in 1940, when I had my Moment of Truth, I couldn’t keep quiet about what had happened to me. Even in twelve-step programs, talking about radical conversions was very suspect. The skepticism was many things. One of these fears was to be expected—in that every struggling addict would like to be “saved” and the ordeal of recovery could be done.
In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I always loved the passage about some of us looking for the easier, softer way. Before recovery, every change I came to, I sought the easier, softer way. But none of those choices ever ended up to be the best choices. The best choices were the ones I came to after I had exhausted all other routes. They could easily be labeled, “Letting go and letting God.”
Tags: authentic life, calling, dragons, God, heart, journey, Letting Go, spiritual, vocation
Solitude by imapix
Whole person counseling, an organization created by Basil Frasure, offers treatment for the whole person—spirit, soul and body. He has created a very useful chart explaining the basic approaches to counseling. His chart has four sections—(1) counseling methods, (2) causes for problems, (3) treatment method, and (4) counselor’s approach.
The counseling methods he lists are:
- Psychoanalysis (psychological) using psychotherapy
- Non-directive counseling (self-discovery)
- Existential counseling redirecting of priorities
- Transactional analysis as a re-education of mechanics of roles
- Behavioral counseling as relearning based primarily upon a reward system omitting punishment
- Reality therapy as the confrontation with facts
- Biblical counseling as the application of the word of God by hearing and obeying God
When I started my transformation in 1976, I found books by Eric Berne that helped me to “see” how most of my mind was obsessed with following roles that I had adopted as a child. When you grow up in a hostile environment, your mind takes on defenses to avoid further conflict. These are called defense mechanisms and they are so effective for when we are in fear that we continue to believe we have to “defend” ourselves throughout life. We don’t.
What Eric Berne taught me through his writings was about transactional analysis was that my thoughts were dictated by my choices of the these roles—parent, child and adult. He further defines these three roles into sub roles of three. By following the examples he gave, I realized that 90% of my thinking was in the “parent” role (judgmental, accusatory, condemning,) and 10% as a willful, complaining child. These are learned roles and can easily be relearned. The goal of TA is to have a large parent with the other two roles (called ego states) being smaller.
Business Balls does a good job of defining the three roles.
Business Balls defines the three roles (called ego states) as:
1. Parent–
Physical – angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronizing gestures,
Verbal – always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronizing language, posturing language.
N.B. beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear ‘Parental’.
2. Child–
Physical – emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.
Verbal – baby talk, I wish, I don’t know, I want, I’m going to, I don’t care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.
3. Adult–
Physical – attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.
Verbal – why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realize, I see, I believe, in my opinion.
Modern developments for TA has been defined by several people—Claude Steiner is a recognized leader. Business balls gives these definitions:
Parent is now commonly represented as a circle with four quadrants:
Nurturing – Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).
Controlling – Structuring (positive) and Critical (negative).
Child is now commonly represented as circle with four quadrants:
Adapted – Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative).
Free – Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).
Adult remains as a single entity, representing an ‘accounting’ function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.
A more complex and complete definition of the modern TA theory is written by Claude Steiner. He does a great job of including the evolution of ideas for this counseling method.
A quite clever diagram at changingminds.org shows the interactions of the parent, child and adult. The roles pictured here are: controlling parent (Do this. Stop that), nurturing parent (It’s OK), adult, adaptive child (No. Please), natural child (Whee. Wah!), the little professor (let’s try), and my favorite role (creative-‘free child’).
Further reading about Transactional Analysis:
A Compilation of Core Concepts
Transactional Analysis Student—the study and training aids for trainee psychotherapists and counselors
TA Tudor includes a study guide for the TA 101 course and also has 400+ handouts
Kiss by Piez
I believe everyone is wounded in some way. For some of us that means we have to face the demons that we allow to torture us. The demons are thoughts, sentences, attitudes about us that we have experienced over our lifetime. So for the rest of our lives–unless we turn the demon train around–we will continue to torment ourselves.
Pavel Somov writing for The Huffington Post reminds us in “Take the 12 Steps and Sit Down!–”Addiction is a habit. Habits are stimulus-response patterns. If you have had any given habit for some time, when you decide to stop, your mind will keep reminding you to engage in a certain conditioned response whenever you are triggered or exposed to certain stimuli.”
“But just because, your mind reminds you that you used to do this or that in this or that situation, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are powerless to avoid doing this or that, once triggered. So, while you are powerless to completely avoid these mental reminders, these craving thoughts, you do have power to manage these thoughts (through good ol’ self-talk or by merely witnessing these thoughts and controlling your experience through mindfulness and/or relaxation).”
Some blog posts suggesting various aids for addiction recovery:
1. Addiction Recovery and Physical Activity
2. Emotional Healing is Part of the Alcohol Addiction Recovery Process
By LadyDragonflyCC
Although I have several blogs and have been writing on them since November, 2004, I have never pinpointed one message I want for this my main blog–until now. I remember 33 years ago in 1976 when I was first getting sober that my first big leg up was learning to listen to my own mind and what I was telling myself.
So I will be researching and adding to this blog about learning to give up those negative thoughts we entertain about ourselves. It is the same as picking up a club and hitting ourselves over the head. Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings.
Transactional Analysis (TA) research states that we have over 20,000 hours of negative thought by the time we are 21. If we don’t learn how to plant beautiful thoughts about ourselves in the garden of our subconscious mind, we’re surrendering control to our inner weeds.
Today I want you to think of your mind as your cash register. Picture your negative thoughts as a “No Sale” and when you find yourself thinking about yourself negatively–push “No Sale” and change your thoughts to positive.
Some others’ writing about this:
Weight Loss Without Dieting: The Weight You Can Stop Carrying- Part 1
“When we’re the most disappointed, the most frustrated and the most vulnerable, many of us have this thoroughly unreasonable idea that an emotional version of the slap-upside-the-head is what’s needed. If we allow it, the critical voices in our head that tell us we’re “not good enough” or lazy or incapable can really take control. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard tell me the harsh, awful, demeaning things their judgmental inner critic tells them about themselves and then, in the same breath, tell me how carefully they listen to it! This is not helpful!”
Independence Day Starts From Within:
“The next step in constructing a personal Independence Day document is to consider what inner grievances you have to air out. Time to be honest here. Make a list of the qualities that have held you back over the years. Maybe it is being critical of others, being judgmental without considering another side, living in fear, shutting down emotionally to others, feeling angry for no good reason, shutting off loved ones from your life or not speaking up when you know you should.”
“By writing down these qualities that no longer serve, you can give yourself permission to let them go. The infamous Tony Robbins always said, “if you have a limiting thought, change it.” Imagine replacing each grievance you have with a more positive option, and imagine the exhilaration of how it would feel to live life that way.”
Are You the Boss of You? Really?
“Once I recognized that voice and could see it was not really ME, I could ask it, ‘What makes you say that?’ Or ‘What do you think is going to happen? Death, famine? What?’ The voice was then stumped and I could see that it didn’t really know about something awful about to happen. it was not an omniscient being. It didn’t even make any sense. What a relief. I feel so grateful.”
“Now I can hear it when one of them says, ‘You need to go sit in the corner now.’ I was panicking then because I knew on some level that I was being abandoned when I was excited and hopeful and feeling powerful. And I was being asked to not be who I was.”
“I was also panicking recently because I soooo much want to start my business, and I know now that when I sit in a corner metaphorically, I am killing my spirit. But now that I know those voices are not ME I know that I can just notice them and go on doing what I think is right.”
Oceans of Light by eye-of-einstein
I have written about the importance of using transactional analysis to discover which of your inner voices has the main track. Our feelings come from our thoughts. So if we are basically in our inner child, we may feel inadequate, angry, abused, etc.
TA teaches us that we have inner child, inner parent, and inner adult. Each of these three mind sets also have good and bad components to each of them. The components of each of these is explained very well by Dr. Claude Steiner. Dr. Steiner’s biography is here.
The components excerpts are from this page:
(1) “Ego States and Transactions: People’s interactions are made up of transactions. Any one transactions has two parts: the stimulus and the response. Individual transactions are usually part of a larger set. Some of these transactional sets or sequences can be direct, productive and healthy or they can be devious, wasteful and unhealthy.”
“When people interact they do so in one of three different ego states. An ego state is a specific way of thinking feeling and behaving and each ego state has its origin in specific regions of the brain. People can behave from their Parent ego state, or from their Child ego state or from their Adult ego state. At any one time our actions come from one of these three ego states.”
(2) The Inner Child is referred by Johnny Truant writing for copyblogger.com. His post is titled: “What My Five-Year-Old Son Taught Me About Marketing”
“You know that “inner child” we hear so much about — the one that’s supposedly deep inside of all of us?”
“Well, I live with it. As a matter of fact, I call him “Austin.”
“In the five years I’ve been a parent, I’ve realized that the notion of the inner child is more than just a neat psychological construct. It’s very nearly a literal thing. As we grow up, we don’t change so much as drape layer after complicated layer of adult emotion on top of that inner child. The child doesn’t vanish; he just gets obscured and filtered.”
“You don’t get an evolved, new mature being. You get Austin with fifteen blankets over his head.”
“Because that kid always remains at our core (and if you’ve ever caught yourself playing kids’ games with genuine enjoyment, you know that it does), our base motivations remain as well. They just get a little harder to see.”
(3) “Art of Attention: Awakening” by Elena Brower encourages self-observation:
“Self observation, leading to self mastery, is the most neutral scientific observation of one’s self in order to discover from which center [physical, emotional or mental] the current reactions are flowing. Translated: to see which part of your being is enslaved to some external circumstance right now. To do so, practice watching your tendencies with curiosity instead of dread or judgment; the slightest bit of agility with your attention is all you need to bring you back to what is really happening, and your heart becomes more nimble all the time.”
[Tangentially, an example for the parents: your child needs you to be unshakably calm. Through watching myself overreact with my child, I've learned that to be an attentive parent is just to offer the simplest, calm responsiveness - and that our calm is infectious every time. I write this so I will remember this.]”
