As Dr. Gabon Mate states–“The essence of trauma is that, as a result of the overt abuse or neglect, or because of the relational trauma, we lose the connection to our essence. That’s what the trauma is. The trauma is not what happened; the trauma is not that I was raped, the trauma is not that I was abandoned, the trauma is not that I was hit, the trauma is not that my parents didn’t know how to listen to me.”
“That’s not the trauma; the trauma is that, as a result of that, I lost the connection to myself. Hence, I lost the connection to my essential qualities: my joy, my vitality, my clarity, my wisdom, my power, my strength, my courage. That’s the trauma!”
“The good news is, THAT can be healed, because if the trauma is the loss of connection to myself then that loss of connection to myself can be healed. What happened 50 years ago, or 20 years ago, or 15 years ago, or 3 years ago can’t be healed. If you were raped when you were five years old by your grandfather, that’s never going to change. But if the effect of that was that you lost the connection to yourself, that can be changed.”
If we don’t accept the feelings of sadness, remorse, rage, etc. that accompany our memories, we will increasingly lose touch with reality. By rejecting healing, we intensify it.
“As the survivor struggles with the tasks of adult life, the legacy of their childhood becomes increasingly burdensome. Eventually, often in the fourth or fifth decade of life, the defensive structure may begin to break down. Often the precipitant is a change in the equilibrium of close relationships: The failure of a marriage, the illness or death of a parent. The facade can hold no longer, and the underlying fragmentation becomes manifest. When and if a breakdown occurs, it can take symptomatic forms that mimic virtually every form of psychiatric disorder. Survivors fear that they are going insane or will have to die “ Judith Herman
This page will be a record of all the resources available to heal yourself of painful memories. Clear a space in your life and maybe clear a space in your home or in nature to gather and make yourself available for healing. All you need is the willingness. It does get better. The resources listed here will be updated monthly with the newer passages added to the top of the material.
Judith Herman is a researcher in the field of trauma. Her book, Trauma and Recovery, lists 3 stages of recovery. These stages are summarized by Dr. Jim Hopper on his healing resources/stages of recovery page.
She also contributed to Emily Schatzow’s book, The Trauma and Recovery Group: A Guide for Practitioners
Bessel van der Kolk:
Bessel van der Kolk: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Kolk has several UTube presentations. This one is from his book, The Body Keeps the Score
The stages of recovery by Mic Hunter as listed in his book, Abused Boys, is also listed on the same page.