Dealing With Abandonment Issues

From How To Deal With Fear Of Abandonment and Rejection:

From Read This If You Fear Abandonment:

I don’t remember the exact quote, but I recall this sentiment from one of the diaries of Anaïs Nin I read as a teen:

‘Every human being is treacherous to every other human being because they must be true to their own soul.’

I don’t remember anything else from her diaries, but this one thought burned itself into my heart. Perhaps, I read it as a warning. Perhaps, it amplified an already existing deep-seated fear of abandonment.

I believe in healthy relationships. I believe in sweet friendships. I believe in supporting one another and depending upon each other in a non-sticky way. We need each other’s love, care, and support in this complex, topsy-turvy world. And simply because we’re human.

“Love is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.”—the Dalai Lama

But, I know everything changes as well.

The person you love one day may be unavailable or gone the next. People move, they drop off the internet, they get involved in a different flow of life. From a Buddhist perspective, when the karma between you and another person completes, the attraction or connection can dissolve in an instant. And like the saying, “This ship has sailed,” there’s no getting it back.

Spiritual traditions offer different explanations as to what happens after death, but no one knows for certain. I imagine I will be alone after death as my mental body travels the in-between states. Isn’t it imperative that I learn to be there for myself now? Wholly. Fully.

Undoubtedly, this fear of abandonment will arise again whenever the opportunity for a genuine friendship, caring partnership, or loving relationship appears. Or, when someone speaks in a suspect way, and my ever vigilant antennae flash a warning.

But, I won’t turn away from the fear or push it aside. I’ll welcome it like an old friend, I’ve known for a very long time.

Because, I now have my simple, single anti-abandonment strategy, the only one I’ll ever need. I put my hands over my heart and whisper sweetly to myself: “I will never abandon you. I will never abandon you.” And as I do, the fear of abandonment melts away.

People may come and go in my life, but I will never abandon myself. Will you make that promise to yourself too?

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