How to Be Open to Emotional Healing

From 3 Steps to Emotional Recovery: How to Be Open to Healing:

Step One: Awareness

Step Two: Acceptance

From How to Stop Being a Doormat and Regain Your Self-Respect:

Tips for practicing assertive communication:

  • Check in with yourself regularly to find out what you’re feeling and what you need (you can’t ask for what you want if you don’t know what it is!).
  • Prepare for difficult conversations. Plan and practice what you want to say and how you’re going to say it. Writing a script can be helpful preparation.
  • Pick an optimal time to express your thoughts and feelings. Be sure you have the other person’s full attention. We all know it doesn’t work to try to talk to someone when they’re engrossed in the TV or computer; nor is it productive to talk to someone who’s under the influence or already very angry.
    If you’re angry or anxious, do something to calm yourself down.
  • Ask for what you want. You have to be clear and direct in asking for your needs to be met. We often make the mistake of expecting people to just know what we want. No matter how long you’ve been married or how long you’ve worked for the same boss, it’s not fair to expect them to know what you want or need. You have to ask directly.
  • Remain true to your feelings and needs. As I said earlier, asking doesn’t necessarily guarantee that your needs will be met. But, remember that you still have the right to ask.
  • Use “I statements”. This technique helps you express your feelings and needs without blame. There is a simple formula for an “I statement” that sounds like this: I am feeling ____________ (unappreciated) because __________ (I went out of my way to drive you to the airport and you didn’t say thank you) and I’d like ___________ (you to acknowledge that my feelings are hurt and apologize). You can read more here.
  • Respectful communication isn’t just about asking for what you need; it also requires active listening to understand the other person’s point of view.
  • Assertiveness is a skill. The more you practice, the easier it will become.

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