Attachment theory is not a vague psychological approach. In fact, it can provide precise, evidence-based insight into our behavior.
If you have just come to the realization that you or your partner are anxious, avoidant, or a combination of the two, don’t beat yourself up — you’re not a hopeless case. With some inner work, it’s possible to change your attachment style to secure (I will soon write about how to do it!).
I’ve changed mine and, even though I still have moments where I go back to my anxious habits, I can say that I’m securely attached now.
Magical things happen when you make a conscious effort to face your fears instead of letting them control your life.
It’s human nature to seek contact and relationships, to seek love, support, and comfort in others. In fact, according to social psychologist Roy Baumeister, the ‘need to belong’ is one of the main forces that drives individuals.
From an evolutionary perspective, cultivating strong relationships and maintaining them has both survival and reproductive advantages. After all, most of us do ‘need to belong’ and do want closeness and intimacy in our lives.
Yet, love and relationships are rarely as perfect and problem-free as we would like them to be.
Have you noticed repeating patterns in your love life?
Maybe you have never really thought through or analyzed your behavior in relationships. Still, you might have noticed repeating patterns in your love life.
Have you wondered why you keep ending up in the same situation, even with different partners?
Do you get too clingy or jealous? Or do you always seem to be more involved than your partner? Maybe you want to be with someone, but as soon as things get emotionally intimate, you back off?
If you have noticed a pattern of unhealthy and emotionally challenging behaviors in your love life, you might benefit from digging deep and exploring the way you attach to people in intimate relationships. Here is where knowing about attachment theory comes in handy.
(You Tube videos included.)
If you don’t have access to appropriate therapy, there are still plenty of things you can do on your own to build a more secure attachment style. To start, learn all you can about your insecure attachment style. The more you understand, the better you’ll be able to recognize—and correct—the reflexive attitudes and behaviors of insecure attachment that may be contributing to your relationship problems.
(Excellent post with many specific details about each style.)