I had a codependency relapse Thursday, July 29, 2021–5 days ago. My next door neighbor who I have been helping some although we are basically strangers came to return something of mine. I invited her in and she broke down about the physical, emotional, and mental strain of caring for her husband who has had 2 strokes. She and I neither have any family.

I immediately without taking a breath jumped into my rescue mode. Caregivers as she is have a hard time dealing with all the problems connected to the loved one being in a wheelchair..

After she left and all evening, I felt overwhelmed by her problems. I am 80, no family, without automobile, and with arthritis/sciatica daily pain. Sometimes I have a hard time walking. Then, I remembered. I had assumed that I knew what is best for her life. My ego is alive and well and wanting to run the world. Thank goodness for recovery. I was able to step back and return to sanity.

So, when I relapse, I go back to basics. I accepted my limitations and decided I had a lot of help for her via email (nursing homes, being more honest with her service provider, social worker, etc). This way I will not spend emotional energy trying to convince her of anything. These are her decisions to be made. But I can be a source of support with my favorite tool–doing research. That decision along with deep breathing, a little mediation and my new yoga work have me back to normal.

I also made a new Pinterest board about dealing with anxiety. For me, depression is unexpressed and buried anger and anxiety is fear trying to take charge.

The Pinterest board I created are self-soothe reminders here. My slogan for this recovery--I can and I will.

From Your Demons are Just Disassociated Parts of Yourself You Have Not Yet Learned to Love:

Your problems exist because there is some part of you that is being ignored, rejected or denied. What is on the other side of your pain? What is the opposite of your fear? What would be the solution to your suffering? Those answers are what you need to create. They are what you are here to do.

Every time you try to force yourself to perform better, you are deepening an existing internal conflict. Every time you judge someone, you are projecting out from a wound you have. Every time you engage in a self-sabotaging behavior, you are showing yourself that you don’t actually understand what it is you want. Every time you resist any feeling, you intensify it and manifest it, because rather than a messenger, it becomes this haunting unknown that you “can’t figure out.”

Healing is the process of reintegration. It is the process of seeing all the parts of you that you have rejected and demonized and asking them what they need to feel healthy and whole and loved.

Our internal guidance systems whisper until they scream.

The things that are bothering you most right now are not external forces trying to torture you for the sake of it — they are your own mind identifying what in your life can be fixed, changed and transformed. If you continue to not take action, the siren will only get louder, and if you never learn to listen to it, you will probably just disassociate from it, and then be a victim to it.

You already have the answers. You already know what you’re here to do. You are here to create everything that would make you happier than you can imagine. It is only a matter of quieting your mind enough so you can feel all of the unlimited potential that is begging you to be used.