In a push-pull relationship, both parties are terrified of two things: intimacy and abandonment. You believe intimacy is what leads to abandonment, so you go into protection mode and you put up a wall to keep yourselves safe.
You fear abandonment because you’ve experienced it before, either in your childhood or in a previous relationship.
When the root problem is a romantic relationship from the past, it’s easier to recognize it, but when it has to do with your childhood and your relationship with your parents, it can take some time. Usually, everything is connected.
In your subconscious mind, love and vulnerability equal to pain, loss and suffering. So why would you want to go through that again?
The thing is, deep inside you, you know you’re seeking the very love you’re afraid of getting.
It’s a paradox: you’re desperate to love and to be loved, but as much as you crave love and intimacy, you’re also terrified of it.
Think about it. For the cycle to last, both parties need to be involved and play their role. An emotionally healthy, stable person wouldn’t put up with that kind of behavior long-term.
We attract our partners based on how emotionally healthy or unhealthy we are. If we’re afraid of intimacy and abandonment, we’ll attract people who manifest the same qualities.
If we don’t believe we’re worthy of love, we’ll attract people who also believe they’re unlovable and who feel the same way about us. Their behavior will prove us right and reinforce how we think and feel about ourselves.
This means that you settle for people who treat you poorly because you don’t think you deserve better. You don’t believe you deserve the real, deep, true love that your soul is looking for. You don’t believe you’re worthy of a relationship that meets your emotional needs.
Relationships cannot be one-sided.
It’s unhealthy and feelings get hurt. One person is taken advantage of, and if you’re a nice person, it’s usually you.
I have found myself many times in a one-sided relationship and I was always the person who would offer and never receive. I would present my friendship to them and the other person would gladly take it but never reciprocate.
I used to think, “Well that’s just how I am.”
I’m a sensitive, thoughtful person. When I care for someone, it’s with all of my heart. I’ve always considered myself to be a nice person but toxic people take advantage of that. Now I know, it’s necessary to say goodbye to those kinds of people. It’s a part of our self-growth and improvement. And there is nothing wrong with ending a relationship that is one-sided.
This article is for all of the sensitive people who don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. The ones who always put others before themselves. Don’t ever stop being kind. Your kindness is part of what people love about you and it makes you who you are. But don’t let anyone interpret your kindness as a weakness. Those people are the ones you need to say goodbye to.