“You cannot make a long-term change in behaviors without addressing the beliefs that underlie them… Most humans try to change things by focusing on behaviors. They keep thinking they can make things better by doing something. So, everyone is running around trying to figure out what they can do. The focus is on doing something, rather than on believing something. But radical forces within your societies have always sought to change things by using the power of thought, not action, for they know that thought produces action. Get a person thinking a certain way and you can get a person to act a certain way. It is not easily done the other way around. Neale Donald Walsch
“The good news is that even though we may not rid ourselves completely of these pain-producing beliefs we can learn to recognize when they are “running the show” and become more and more adept at dissipating their negative impact. And we can grow in our ability to love, honor and respect ourselves in spite of them. By making them conscious we can learn how they work. We can learn to discern what triggers them and then make different choices about how to respond, so that rather than reacting out of these beliefs we can choose healthier alternatives. We may even be able to learn to circumvent them altogether at times.
In essence, it’s all about getting to know these internal beliefs intimately. By becoming familiar with what our core beliefs are and how they affect us, we grow to better understand ourselves with them, which allows us more self-acceptance. This, in turn, enables us to learn more efficient ways of discharging their negative energy, allowing a freedom previously unknown.
Our challenge is to consistently bring these destructive self-determinations into consciousness so we can choose how much power to give them in the moment. We do this by growing a habit of “suspecting our core beliefs first”. Whenever we find ourselves having painful feelings, we begin by asking ourselves what we are telling ourselves, because we learn that our uncomfortable feelings are self-created – not externally caused. This means we must let go of the idea that outside people or events “make us” feel.
Giving up the victim notion that others are in charge of our feeling lives is the first link in a chain of steps that lead us to freedom from core beliefs. By understanding that our feelings originate out of what we tell ourselves, (rather than coming from what someone else says or does) we put ourselves in charge rather than living our lives “at the mercy of” outside circumstances.”
“Now you have the evidence, all you have to do is create a new core belief that reframes your current core belief. Now that you know your core beliefs have been false all of your life, this is the easy bit, you just reframe them. It’s embedding your new core beliefs that will take time and consistent effort, see step 5.
Reframing your core beliefs is as simple as this:
- I am unloveable becomes I am loveable
- I am stupid becomes I am smart
- I am unattractive becomes I am beautiful
- I am weak becomes I am strong
- and so on ……..
Just look for the opposite of your core belief, use words that you would normally use, not someone else’s. If you would never use the word ‘smart’ use one you would use ‘intelligent’ ‘clever’ etc.
Now know this, you will not instantly believe your new core beliefs. But Step 5 shows you how you can come to believe and embed them. Until they become a given and not up for negotiation ever! Even if someone calls you stupid, you won’t even take it personally because you will know you are not.
Step 5: Affirmations
Now you know what your new core beliefs are, you have to repeat them in your head, over and over. Do it daily, when you have a minute, tell yourself your new core belief. Most importantly, try to feel what it is like to be ‘loveable’ or ‘smart’ or ‘strong’.
If an old core belief pops in your head such as I am unloveable, dispute it, say ‘no I’m not, I am loveable’, be strong and firm. This will over time weaken your old core belief until it leaves your head forever.
Some people set timers on their phone every so often throughout the day with notifications of their new core beliefs. This acts as a reminder to read and repeat those affirmations. You could also put little messages around your home to remind you, a post-it on your bathroom mirror telling you ‘you are beautiful’, that should put a smile on your face.
Keep repeating those affirmations to yourself on a daily basis. Over time your core beliefs will change to the point where you won’t need to keep telling yourself you are loveable, because you belief at your core that you are!”