“I know so many women who’ve found themselves in this predicament. They’ve stayed so long with their partner(s) they’ve forgotten how to live on their own and they’re willing to remain in that relationship, regardless of how they’re being treated because it’s all they know–it’s all they’ve allowed themselves to know. And the fear of failing outside of the relationship scares them more than dying within the relationship ever could.
I’ve had to leave a couple friendships because the toxicity of what they were used to seeped into the seams of who we were. It’s harmful. It’s hurtful. And it’s a hindrance on their lives and the lives of others. Sadly, no one can force them out of their situations. It’s something they have to find the strength and belief in themselves to do.
It’s something they have to believe they’re worthy enough to do.”
“The other symptom I displayed, was having low self-esteem. I often didn’t feel “good enough” for my partner. On the outside, I portrayed this beautiful, awesome, ambitious, fun-loving person but deep down I actually didn’t believe any of it. I had no confidence but no one would’ve ever known that at the time. After some time, I realized, I am beautiful. I’m tall, big curly hair and smile with some cute ass dimples. I am awesome! I have a dope ass personality to go with my witty humor. I can adapt to any group of people, meaning in any social event, you don’t even have to babysit me. I know how to work the room. I’m fun and down for whatever as long as I’m in good company. These are my strengths and I know that now. I actually believe in it. Now that I think about it, better reel me in cuz I’m a catch.”
“When I began standing up for my own needs and desires, and setting boundaries, my relationships began to change drastically. They became more balanced, harmonious, and healthy. This didn’t happen overnight, nor was it free of awkward moments, but it eliminated so much emotional turmoil that I was unnecessarily creating for myself.
I am still committed to living beyond codependency, and I still catch myself falling back into those familiar, unhealthy patterns listed above. But I know that I don’t need to live my life that way anymore. I get to like and dislike things and people, and I allow others the dignity to like or dislike me, or dislike something I say or do.
When I live authentically and stop playing an unnecessary role, just to win the approval of others, I get to experience more peace. And in that peace, I am able to face things like addiction and other issues.
Though I was surprised to hear that addiction is commonplace among individuals who are codependent, I didn’t realize how accurate that generalization was. It definitely applied to me.
I write this post to remind myself that codependency is an illness that, if left untreated, can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms and addiction. I remind myself that boundaries, however awkward, are healthy and good for everyone involved.
I remind myself that it is possible to be addicted to the good opinions of others.”