“people’s emotions are rarely put into words , far more often they are expressed through other cues.
the key to intuiting another’s feelings is in the ability to read nonverbal channels , tone of voice , gesture , facial expression and the like”
The report was the result of an assessment I’d taken three weeks prior called the EQ-i 2.0, which is based on nearly 20 years of research and has been taken by some 2 million people—and sure enough, it told me I’m about as inflexible as people close to me seem to think I am. Shortly afterward I scheduled a call with its developer, Steven J. Stein, who reviewed my results and offered this suggestion: “I would start looking at how you operate—what your routines are, how you get through a day.”
When I asked him for an example of a routine I might want to shake up, he said, “Like, eat a different breakfast or something.””
“How can you increase your own emotional intelligence, or EQ? By being more like yourself. That surprising idea comes from Stephen Joseph, PhD, professor of psychology, health, and social care at the University of Nottingham in England. In recently published research, Joseph, along with psychology researcher Ornella Tohme, found authenticity to be correlated with higher emotional intelligence and also with greater mindfulness in 197 volunteer subjects.
This may seem counterintuitive, because most of us have encountered people who are being themselves and “letting it all hang out” and yet are strikingly lacking in emotional intelligence. The older male executive who makes a leering comment to a younger female associate may seem like he’s being his authentic lecherous self, for example. But behavior like that isn’t real authenticity, Joseph argues in a post about the research at Psychology Today.
“Authenticity isn’t about just saying what you think or doing what you want,” he writes. Instead, authenticity was defined by renowned psychologist Carl Rogers as becoming more accepting of everyone, both others and yourself, and thus more empathetic. Rather than a state in which you do or say whatever’s on your mind, authenticity is “defined by emotional and psychological maturity,” Joseph writes.
Interestingly, he notes, most of us are pretty bad at knowing how authentic or inauthentic we are. “One of the problems in talking about this topic is that the most inauthentic people, because they don’t know themselves well and therefore lack insight, often think that they are more authentic than they are,” Joseph writes. Conversely, the most authentic people recognize their own struggles to be honest with themselves and others and may judge those efforts harshly. Thus, they believe they’re less authentic than they really are. This is why the Authenticity Scale, a more objective measure that Joseph and Tohme used in their research, is an important tool for measuring how authentic people actually are. (You can see sample questions here.)”
“Emotional intelligence (EQ),is a soft skill that we need to apply in almost all aspects of our lives. Be it in marriage, at work or even in hospitals.
John Gottman, can predict with 94% accuracy whether or not couples will divorce and when exactly. The secret is in how the couples give and take criticism. Harsh criticism is the number one sign that a marriage is going to crush. Condemnation is never the best way to put your ideas and feelings across. In most cases man are the victims.
It’s like most females are gifted when it comes to expressing their feelings, though some few can’t. But when EQ lacks in this expression, it will often come out as if the wife is condemning or complaining to her husband almost all the times. Because in most cases man ain’t that talented, they’re forced to suck it all in. They feel nagged and it’s stressful.”
Condemnation leads to defensiveness in the one being condemned. So Instead of trying to solve the problem everytime it pops out, it becomes a condemning- defending tournament. If this continues, the wife will always feel not listened to and the husband feels attacked all times and separation will be inevitable. The opposite is also true.
So what’s the best way to stop this unhealthy emotional roller coaster? To reverse divorce, the seemingly inevitable conclusion, emotional intelligence needs to be applied. But How ?