Are You a Caretaker or a Caregiver?

“Traumatic events destroy the sustaining bonds between individual and  community. Those who have survived learn that their sense of self, of worth, of humanity, depends upon a feeling of connection with others. The solidarity of a group provides the strongest protection against terror and despair, and the strongest antidote to traumatic experience. Trauma isolates; the group re-creates a sense of belonging. Trauma shames and stigmatizes; the group bears witness and affirms. Trauma degrades the victim; the group exalts her. Trauma dehumanizes the victim; the group restores her humanity.

Repeatedly in the testimony of survivors there comes a moment when a sense of connection is restored by another person’s unaffected display of generosity. Something in herself that the victim believes to be irretrievably destroyed—faith, decency, courage—is reawakened by an example of common altruism. Mirrored in the actions of others, the survivor recognizes and reclaims a lost part of herself. At that moment, the survivor begins to rejoin the human commonality…”                     Judith Lewis Herman

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    • This is my red line in not living in my codependency. Am I doing something for someone that they could be doing for themselves? On my Emotional Sobriety page, I am sometimes asked for a source of a quotation. I remind myself I am in recovery and suggest that they google it.

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      • hahaha thanks for making me laugh, I wasn’t expecting that 🙂 yes. It’s soooo important to be mindful of when it’s time to stop trying to fix and instead to detach 🙂 xxx Anne


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