10 things you should know about codependency:
- Codependency is a response to trauma.
- Codependency feels shameful.
- Codependency is an unhealthy focus on other people’s problems, feelings and needs.
- Co-dependents are very sensitive to criticism
- Co-dependents are super responsible.
- Co-dependents wall off their own feelings.
- Co-dependents don’t ask for what they need. They do not like asking someone for help and will avoid it as long as possible.
- Co-dependents give even when it hurts.
- Codependency is not a mental health diagnosis. However a lot of co-dependents also suffer from anxiety and depression stemming from abuse.
Wowzers, I had no idea that this is really what the story was about. This isn’t unconditional love. Or a beautiful example of giving without expecting anything in return. In fact it’s a terrible example of what relationships of any kind look like.
What it is is a fantastic example of a codependent relationship. A giver and a taker. And everyone knows a selfish taker loves an over giver!
At first the relationship seems healthy to both people. Mutual. A partnership. But then she starts solving his problems from him, sometimes before he even asks. She just dives in with the solution. The solution is at her expense. But this is what she knows. It’s how to show someone you love them. She wants to feel love, like it was in the beginning. And he just takes and takes and takes. Until there is nothing left to give.
Sometimes I can really get in trouble when I start analyzing my life. I like being happy and I am really starting to get use to it. I had a particularly unhappy week at work. I lost my sense of peace. This happens to me when I feel like I have put a lot of effort into something and it doesn’t work out. With work that means I didn’t get a job that I have invested a lot of time in.
When I do my best and don’t get too attached to people or outcomes I keep my peace. If I want something too much I feel a great loss when I don’t get it. This is when my mind tells me I am not in the right job or even relationship. I start comparing myself to others peoples outside success. At work I have never thought of myself as a natural born salesperson. I have to be authentic and when I am not it makes me feel bad some people appreciate this but the majority would prefer to be razzled and dazzled.