Codependency Allows Us to Avoid Helping Ourselves

“Playing the victim or being overly responsible allows the adult child to avoid focusing on himself or herself.. Both roles are saturated with codependent avoidance of feelings and being responsible for one’s own feelings. By concerning ourselves with others and their chaos, we avoid doing anything about our own lives. By being overly concerned about others, adult children wrongly think they are involved in life. In reality they are missing life. The enmeshed , codependent ACA can be so wrapped up in another person’s thoughts and actions that the adult child has no inner life or outer support when the relationship wanes. Codependent ACAs describe feeling lethargic, disoriented , and hopeless when their partners are gone. This is the high price for focusing on others.”  ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) Red Book

The Codependency Trap “Many of us as addicts like to focus on other issues instead of ourselves. For instance, I drank to escape the feelings of anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, guild, shame, etc. As I grew up as an adult, I began to focus on the well being of someone else, trying to fix them and their problems. In turn I felt it helped me fix my problems. In reality, I only destroyed many relationships with other people, as well as myself. I was just inviting more insanity into my life whether I was in active addiction or in recovery.”

How Insecurity Cons Us Out of Good Relationships  “It’s not easy to admit we played a part in our own hurt, but it is important because it is the only way to take your power back. It is the key to healing the part of yourself that thinks someone else can give you what you need. When you come together as a whole, there is nothing you have to get from the other person. They are there to give you more of what you already have. No cons involved.”

Overcoming the codependency/narcissism dynamic   “The codependent and narcissist are basically two opposing magnets that attract each other. The narcissist wishes to control and have his needs met, while the codependent wishes to serve and make someone happy. Both the narcissist and codependent have attachment wounds from their childhood (often feelings of core shame and pervasive loneliness), and these are acted out constantly without resolution. The codependent is conscious of these, while the narcissists successfully hides from them.”

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