Healing is About Learning to Love Yourself

“Healing isn’t just about pain. It’s about learning to love yourself. As you move from feeling like a victim to being a proud survivor, you will have glimmers of hope, pride and satisfaction. Those are natural by-products of healing.”     Ellen Bass

From “Self Care” by Jennifer Brody:

“Self care is bringing awareness to your entire life.

It’s not limiting self care to just a facials or deep conditioning masks but expanding self care to your overall health (diet and physical activity), fiances, what you put into your body (materials you read, the people you are around) and how you balance all of these things. Being aware and worrying are two different things which we often confused. Knowing exactly how much and where your money is going instead of worrying you don’t have enough. Making sure you’re eating foods that make you feel good and give you energy so you can feel your best all day. Balancing these things are key. Making sure you can keep up on all your self care practices is key to success in your self care game. If one of these things are neglected it will throw everything out of whack.”

From “Overcoming Imposter Syndrome” by Gill Corkindale:

“Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize their accomplishments, however successful they are in their field. High achieving, highly successful people often suffer, so imposter syndrome doesn’t equate with low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence. In fact, some researchers have linked it with perfectionism, especially in women and among academics.

So what can you do to mitigate the negative effects of Imposter syndrome?

• Recognise imposter feeings when they emerge. Awareness is the first step to change, so ensure you track these thoughts: what they are and when they emerge.

• Rewrite your mental programmes. Instead of telling yourself they are going to find you out or that you don’t deserve success, remind yourself that it’s normal not to know everything and that you will find out more as you progress.

• Talk about your feelings. There may be others who feel like imposters too – it’s better to have an open dialogue rather than harbour negative thoughts alone

• Consider the context. Most people will have experience moments or occasions where they don’t feel 100% confident. There may be times when you feel out of your depth and self-doubt can be a normal reaction. If you catch yourself thinking that you are useless, reframe it: “the fact that I feel useless right now does not mean that I really am.”

• Reframe failure as a learning opportunity. Find out the lessons and use them constructively in future. This is a critical lesson for everyone.

• Be kind to yourself. Remember that you are entitled to make small mistakes occasionally and forgive yourself. Don’t forget to reward yourself for getting the big things right.

• Seek support. Everyone needs help: recognise that you can seek assistance and that you don’t have to do everything alone. This will give you a good reality check and help you talk things through.

• Visualise your success. Keep your eye on the outcome – completing the task or making the presentation, which will keep you focused and calm.”

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