In 2010 when I realized that my family of origin was my main addiction, I had to accept that I had only known being codependent in relationships. When my narcissist husband left me that year, I hit rock bottom emotionally. Finally.
Maybe the narcissist husband was my choice so I could give up codependency. I know one of the reasons I married my 2nd husband was because he didn’t like my drinking. I didn’t either. So he led me to my sobriety from alcohol in 1976. Maybe the 3rd husband being narcissist led me to giving up codependency. At any rate, it worked. I finally had to begin living an honest emotional life.
We develop being codependent by becoming the parent to an emotionally needy parent. When I was home from school at lunch and my parents would have violent fights, the whole way walking back to school I used to cry that I couldn’t rescue my mom. But I was a child. Why wasn’t she rescuing me?
Once you learn your significant other is always more important to you emotionally than yourself, you simply replace significant others.