Today’s post fits into the “changing you” and “changing others” categories. We tend to focus too much of the negative aspect of our personality without remembering that every negative aspect of us has an equal positive side. Today’s post was written by Marelisa Fabrega. Her blog is Abundance Blog.

In her post written for DumbLittleMan In this post, she teaches us how to be effective mediators by following these suggestions:

1. Sit down to talk about the problem with a willingness to resolve it. Help everyone to agree to find a compromise for the conflict. If one or both parties appears to be only interested in restating the fixed positions, agree to meet at another time.
2. Establish ground rules. Meditation helps people change the way they interact with others. Some of these may be:
3. Each side will take turns speaking. In addition, each person gets a predetermined period of time to speak, during which they cannot be interrupted by the other. If the other hears something that they want to respond to and it’s not their turn to speak, they should write it down and wait until it’s their turn to say it.
4. Only one person can get angry at a time.
5. Focus on one issue at a time.
6. Establish a statute of limitations on old grievances. That is, don’t bring up events that occurred two years ago.
7. Refrain from using phrases such as “You always . . .”, or “You never . . .”
8. Try not to blame the other person, speak for the other person, or speculate about the motives of the other.
9. Refrain from name-calling.
10. Each side should strive to take responsibility for their contribution to the conflict.
11. Treat each other with respect

She also offers additional suggestions:

• Separate the people from the problem.
• Develop the skill of active listening.
• Practice empathy.
• Learn to express yourself.

Conclusion–Don’t look for a single answer. Both sides need to feel heard and understood. Be sure to come up with a plan for change.

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