Changing Your Core Beliefs is Hard But It is Essential For Your Serenity

“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.”  Ramona Anderson

1. From Joseph Bernard adapting Tara Brach’s RAIN writing in Explore Life: A Simple Formula for Self-Exploration and Insight:

Recognize – When you experience something going on inside see if you can get in touch with what it is. Recognizing what is going in inside brings you to a higher level of self-awareness.  Do this with kindness and compassion for self.  In identifying your thoughts, your emotions and your sensations, you see what inner forces are influence your outer life.

Allow – Absolutely everything that comes up in you; that gets stirred by the happenings of life is ok, do your very best to not judge but instead allow. When you allow what is to be, you bring acceptance to yourself.  This acceptance is a healthy way for you to build your self-esteem and confidence.  Allowing is a gentle acknowledgement and acceptance of your inner process.

Investigate – What comes up in you is worth exploring.  In that investigation you will expand what you know about yourself, your triggers, your reactions, and other opportunities for awareness. If you take the investigation deeper you might even come face-to-face with core issues, old beliefs, blocks that have been holding you back and other aspects that need to be left behind.  Sometimes in that investigation healing happens and you figure how to move on from parts of you that was getting in your way.

Not You or Non-Self – The other part of this investigation is that if you do it thoroughly enough, you will see that what is happening in you is not you. Most of the chaos of your life is about the thoughts you have and the emotions these thoughts generate.   When you recognize what is going on, allow it to be, and investigate it, you naturally step back from the drama and observe it rather than be caught up in it.  This is personal freedom in the moment.

2.  From Nata Lie Lue/NML:”Relationship Insanity: Understanding Why You Feel Tempted to Go Back and Repeat Your Pattern With Your Pain Source:”

“For those of you who make efforts to change and find yourself caught up in your pattern, you’ll wonder – Why?”

“It’s because often while we’ll make adjustments and changes around doing the stuff, if we only go part of the way to doing that or don’t make connections between our actions and what results, we don’t fundamentally deal with the root issue and/or the beliefs around it.”

“Instead of learning the core lesson, we, for example think that we should try to go out in front of the oncoming traffic, albeit quicker or that we should wear protective gear, or that we should move further up that road and then try to walk out again into the oncoming traffic. Eventually we learn that if we walk out into oncoming traffic, we will very likely get run down and get busted up pretty badly. We then recognize that the solution isn’t to ‘game’ the traffic or ‘love’ it into not running us down with our superhuman efforts – it’s to stop walking into oncoming traffic period, assess the risk, and use a pedestrian crossing or wait till the road is clear.”

“I experienced this when I’d spent a few months No Contact and then decided to Suck It and See with my ex. Even though my self-esteem and health were already improving, I hadn’t accepted the full reality of him. In NC, this isn’t unusual because, while we’re often very much behind the decision to be NC, we can end up doing it because we know we have to and we ought to, but we secretly reserve some hope that they’ll change and make life ‘easier’ and validate us.”

3.  From William Berry:”What Recovering Alcoholics Can Teach Us About Happiness”:

“At the core of Eastern philosophies is an acceptance of what is. The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism proposes that desire is the root of all suffering. It has also been explained as: the desire for things to be different is the root of all suffering. If we are not suffering, we will be much more open to happiness.”

“I first came across the idea of acceptance when I began my journey in the field of substance abuse treatment.The paragraphs below in italics are from the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. The passage and the book were originally published in 1939. The author of this section was Doctor Paul Ohliger. Whether he was a profound thinker or not, his words are among the most often quoted and advised in all of Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe alcoholic, addict, or not, we would all be much happier by following these words. I edited the quote to remove Judeo Christian wording, so as not to exclude anyone.”

“Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world, as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Pg. 418, 4th edition)”

“In conclusion, the act of acceptance is really a small change in attitude that can bring about tremendous results. There are many avenues to get there: reading books by spiritual leaders, accepting that the god of your choice has a plan for you that is ultimately for the best (but includes difficulties at times), or simply having faith that this experience serves a purpose and you might know what it is later. Whatever path you choose that makes acceptance a pill you can swallow, you will be happier in the moment for it.”

Photo credit.

5 thoughts on “Changing Your Core Beliefs is Hard But It is Essential For Your Serenity

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