October is Domestic Violence month. Look around where you live and start noticing the signs and symptoms of domestic violence. I know it is hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable to the violence happening to others. But, I know because I have done it, you may be the link that allows the violence to stop. I have noticed that if you befriend a victim, it gives him/her a bridge to move away from the abuser. I think for our own self-respect, we have to make the connection so that someone may find a way out of the misery. Have a game plan for helping such as names and numbers of local abuse centers.

1. From Win Over PTSD: “Are You a Victim of Domestic Violence? Here’s Some Life-Saving Information”:

Where can you go for help if you are involved with an abusive partner, if you are a senior citizen, or a child who’s being abused by a family member?

While going to the police seems to be the obvious choice, many victims are reluctant to take this option. Consider these other sources.

Here are several organizations online:

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.ndvh.org) You can also reach their hotline at: 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE)
• Safe Horizon (www.safehorizon.org) 1-800-621-HOPE (4673) This site offers advice on how to leave an abusive relationship and provides a virtual tour of a domestic violence shelter to help you decide whether moving into a shelter is the right option for you.

If you are being stalked by your abuser:

• Safe Horizon also offers valuable info about steps you can take if you’re being stalked.
• The Stalking Resource Center is provided by the National Center for Victims of Crime, athttp://www.ncvc.org/src

Other options:

• Your local battered women’s shelter. Look in your local phone directory under “Crisis Intervention” or “Domestic Violence Information.”
• Your local Child Protective Services or Adult Protective Services Agency.
• A place of worship
• Your doctor
• A teacher or school counselor, if you’re a minor.

Note: Much of this info was provided in Chapter 7 of the “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for Dummies Book” by Dr. Mark Goulston.

Reaching out for help may be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it also may be the very thing that saves your own life, or the lives of your loved ones. As the saying goes, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”

2.  From breakingthecycles: Darlene Lancer writes about : “Emotionally Abusive Relationships and the Domestic Violence Connection”:

If you’ve experienced violence – and that includes shoving, hair pulling, destroying property –  then it’s essential to get support and learn how to set limits. Abusers deny or minimize the problem – as do victims – and may claim that they can’t control themselves. This is untrue. Notice that they aren’t abusive with their boss – when there are consequences to their behavior. They also blame their actions on you, implying that you need to change. You’re never responsible for someone else’s behavior.

You may recognize the Cycle of Violence:

1. A build-up of tension
2. The attack
3. Remorse and apology
4. A honeymoon period of loving gestures

Sometimes, the threat of violence is all the abuser needs to control you, like a terrorist. The best time to abort violence is in the build-up stage. Some victims will even provoke an attack to get it over with, because their anxiety and fear is so great. After an attack, abusers say how sorry they are and promise never to repeat it, but without counseling to treat the underlying causes of the abuse repeat itself. DO NOT believe their promises.

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