Nick Notas has been the Dating Specialist online for three years. He has switched to using his real name. When I started blogging in 2004, I did some research and learned that I would probably go through several changes. So I decided to be kathyberman.com from the beginning.

In this post, Nick gives some suggestions for not being needy.

“How to be self-confident instead of needy”

To become self-confident you must start adopting the mindset of “What do I want?” rather than “What does everyone else want?” And then repeatedly take actions that are congruent with that.

You can’t go around analyzing what every woman wants and trying to fit that mold. You will never attract the right people for you or have your needs fulfilled.

Instead, you have to think…

“What do I want to talk about despite how I may be perceived? What do I want to do in this situation? What do I want from this connection?”

This isn’t about being a dick or disrespecting others. You simply lead with your intentions and the other person decides whether or not to invest back.

Here are some examples of neediness vs self-confidence:

• Overanalyzing if you should or shouldn’t approach a girl you find attractive. Not introducing yourself because she might think you’re creepy or will reject you immediately. Needy
• Approaching a girl you find attractive regardless of how you think the situation may unfold or what the outcome may be. Self-Confident
• Trying to memorize openers, lines, or routines just so you can talk to women.  Needy
• Trying to talk to women as yourself, in the moment. Self-Confident
• Pretending to be a friend or study buddy just to spend time with a girl you want to be romantic with. Needy
• Willing to risk losing a girl by treating her like someone you’re interested in and expressing your sexual intentions. Self-Confident
• Hiding or lying about what you believe in or who you are in fear of being judged. Needy
• Being unashamed about your opinions and all parts of your personality. Self-Confident 
• Delaying texting a girl back because you think it’ll make you look cool or like more of a “catch”.Needy
• Delaying texting a girl back because it’s not first on your priority list or you have other things to do. Self-Confident
• Texting a girl for weeks or months because she’s responding and you’re afraid asking her out will kill the connection. Needy
• Texting a girl and asking her out because you want to see her. Self-Confident
• Spending excessive money on or buying gifts for a girl you barely know so that she’ll like you.Needy
• Paying for dinner because you genuinely enjoyed her company and liked what she had to offer.Self-Confident
• Not going for a kiss during a date because you’re afraid she’ll reject you. Needy
• Going for a kiss during a date even though she may not be interested. Self-Confident
• Working on your health, lifestyle, or  social skills to impress other people. Needy
• Working on improving yourself and building a happy life for yourself. Self-Confident
• Seeing an attractive woman and telling yourself she’s better than you or “out of your league” before you even know her. Needy
• Seeing an attractive women and telling yourself she’s an equal who you want to get to know.Self-Confident
• Chasing or staying with a girl who doesn’t invest in you, doesn’t respect you, or you know isn’t the right person because you’re afraid of being alone. Needy
• Walking away from a girl who doesn’t invest in you, doesn’t respect you, or you know isn’t the right person regardless of being alone after. Self-Confident

Getting rid of neediness does not happen overnight, nor is it easy. But it begins by deliberately filtering your decisions through “What do I want?”

You will feel more satisfied and reinforce that this is the healthiest way to live. Before you know it, taking the self-confident path will become second nature.

Photo credit.