Letting Go Means Accepting What Is

“Surrender means, by definition, giving up attachment to results. When we have an attachment to results, we tend to have a hard time giving up control.”     Marianne Williamson

I wrote the following post in 2010 at the beginning of my grieving about my divorce. Today I know it is the best thing that could have happened to me. I have not begun to date but I am getting ready to do that. I decided to use this time to get in touch with why I expect so little from those supposedly close to me. I found out I learned that at the age of 5 to go to the back of the line emotionally in that traumatic home I grew up in. My mother and dad and I became best friends after many years of recovery. God is good and He works miracles.

“From my divorce, I have learned that emotional pain comes from holding on to the outcomes that I project. How will it all end? I have no idea. But I am beginning to do my mourning. As well as mourning the end of the marriage, I am mourning the part of me that will never be–the part I was with him. That may be a good thing–time will tell.”

“My sadness comes and goes and I’m learning to allow it to be. No one ever died from feelings. I am also learning that I have been punishing myself for years by choosing people who withhold approval. Long ago, I guess I learned to not expect much. This a common choice when you grow up in a violent dysfunctional home. I knew I didn’t have a high desire for things. I’m sure a lot of oldest children growing up in homes with continual financial problems make the same choice. But I didn’t know I had made the same choice for my emotional health–or lack of health.”

“Now, I am studying Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix (the 20th anniversary edition). The main lesson I’m  learning so far is understanding my subconscious partnership. The book is for couples so I hope one day to share it with someone I care about. In the meantime, I have work to do on knowing what I need and how to learn to ask for it.”

Some other posts about letting go:

From tammycounsels: “To follow God in the adventure He has chosen for me is going to challenge many things. Mostly letting go of control, fear and safety.”

From Mike Robbins writing in the Huffington Press:

“Worry is always a sign that there are some deeper feelings and issues for us to address. It’s often a good reminder for us to get more real, take better care of ourselves, and pay attention.”

“Below is a list (read this list in his post) of some things we can do when we get worried (which many of us are these days, especially given the state of the economy and the world, among other things.”

I like the following guidance about letting by dearbubbie:

“First, thank you for letting us try to help you. Did you know that those who actually SEEK help are the first to recover. I’m going to start by saying TAKE ONE SAD THOUGHT at a time. If any of us took ALL our problems and tackled them all at once – it would seem too big to manage. I’m looking forward to comments from our Bubbies to advise you on the problems they think they can help you handle. In the meantime, hang in. . help is on its way!”

I also loved this guidance from Henri Junttila:

“If you’re waiting for something to happen, stop. There are no perfect circumstances. You will never be ready. I am not saying you have to do everything all at once. If you’re working in a job you hate and you love coffee, you can work during the day and start writing, video blogging or even podcasting about coffee on your free time.”

“You are the one who are responsible for how you react, how you feel, what you do and how your life looks. It’s easy to hide from that fact, which is exactly what most people do, but you are different. I can feel it.”

“It’s time.”

“Let go and reclaim your life.”

“You deserve it.”

Photo credit.


  1. I agree fully that we must accept “what is” if we wish to let go of control. Moreover, that allows us to focus on the important issues in our lives over which we truly have control, such as our attitudes, reactions, humility, flaws, and the like. The other important thing we must do in order to let go of control is to face and embrace our fears because almost all controlling conduct is fear based.



    • Thank you, Danny. I agree. The only thing I have retained from A Course in Miracles is that there are two emotions–love or fear. I use that a lot to evaluate where I am.


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