It is hard to find a female blogger who is writing about dating. I suspect that men turn to the Internet more for guidance rather than ask friends. But the guys who write dating blogs are mainly writing about how to have “game”. Game, of course, is learning new ways to capture the attention and/or affection of women. The goal isn’t to establish lasting and fulfilling relationships. I was surprised that this continues to be the goal of many men. I was hoping things had evolved beyond this.
From Nick: The Dating Specialist: “6 Dating Truths Women Need to Hear But Don’t Want to“:
- You’re not there to fix him and he’s not there to fix you. You’re supposed to be in an equal partnership that promotes individual growth, together.We all make our own choices in life. And no one can change until they’re ready to change, all on their own.Relationships that require one or more of the parties to “fix” the other always ends in disappointment. It typically follows this progression:- The “fixer” is eager to do anything to help the “fixee”. The fixee becomes dependent on the fixer to solve their problems.
– The fixee doesn’t put effort into improving themselves, for themselves. They can make temporary changes but will revert back. They feel insecure because of it. They feel worse about themselves and out of defensiveness may blame the fixer for their continued struggles.
– The fixer gets frustrated at the lack of progress because they care. They may feel thefixee isn’t as invested in their own improvement and find that to be selfish. The fixerfeels hurt and unappreciated being the only one putting in effort while getting blamed for trying to help. This all builds resentment which they take out on the fixee.
– This cycle of insecurity, resentment, attacking, and lack of change persists. Either both parties stay miserable or someone eventually leaves.
The best partners don’t try to care for the other person like a helpless child. They listen well, share insight, and empower them to evolve.
Nick also had guidance for men: “6 Dating Truths Men Need to Hear But Don’t Want to“:
- Getting the girl is easy, keeping her is the hard part. We’re so focused on immediate gratification. Everybody wants band-aid solutions.Guys want to know how to instantly get over approach anxiety. Discover the one secret to having amazing conversations or becoming a natural flirt. Find that illusive cure to all their problems.This is exactly why the guy behind the “One Weird Trick to Reduce Belly Fat” advertisements is filthy rich. He’s a snake-oil salesman in the digital age who preys on desperate people that don’t want to put the work in.Guys rarely ask me, “How can I become truly confident? What steps in my life do I need to take to be a more attractive person long-term? ”The only time they consider putting in any real effort is after shit goes wrong. They go into damage control when it’s too late.
Shortsighted thinking is not an effective relationship strategy.
It’s not hard to build initial attraction with someone or seem confident for a short period of time. But you can only fake it for so long. If you don’t genuinely exude attractive qualities, the real, insecure you will reveal itself in no time.
What happens? You eventually lose the women you care about. It happened to me.
Healthy relationships take constant work from both parties. They require growth. You need to maintain the connection between you – especially sexually.
The couples that I’ve seen truly happy of the long-term, not just content, are still very into each other. They laugh, touch, and flirt like a new couple. Their passion is almost tangible.
If you want an amazing, fulfilling relationship, you need to be in it for the long haul. And you should start now.