The feeling I least want to feel right now is sadness. Divorce is generally an emotional tsunami and I have been dealing with most everything except the sadness. I know that I can’t move on until I allow myself to mourn the person with whom I’ve have spent the last sixteen years of my life. He left the marriage to be with a new person so I’m sure that that is adding to my feeling of being overwhelmed by the loneliness. I’m a person who has few people in my life by choice. So whenever one leaves or I leave, there is a void there.
I’m sure my sadness is made bigger because I thought we were friends, but his affair and betrayal was compounded by his complete alliance with this new woman. I mean, when did I become the bad guy? Because he uses mind-altering drugs daily, he is able to live in a world of his own creation.
I am starting to focus on the fact that my use of the 12 steps is leading me to seeing my self as a person with rich and full emotions. With that depth comes a depth of feelings that are hard to face and accept. I am working on Steps 6 and 7 to see my part in the breakup. At the same time, by being around people in the 12 step meetings who are looking to improve themselves, I am making an investment in myself and in my future relationships.
So, when the sadness comes, I allow it to linger for awhile and then I move on to letting go gently. I know anything I leave undone today will return if I don’t accept it. And if I ignore feelings I don’t like, they will comeback stronger than ever.
Five suggestions for growing your positive self from explore life blog are:
(1) Be fully in your body—(feel your feelings). As you wake up each morning fill your heart with light and spread that light wherever you go.
(2) Take back control from your mind. Enter the stillness of your inner peace each day
(3) Develop a relationship with your Higher Self (love that!). Each day do the simple affirmation/mantra, “I Am” with awareness as often as you can.
(4) Relax, take it easy, let go, forgive, have fun, and be playful. Make spreading joy a daily practice.
(5) Appreciate all you can each day. Keeping a gratitude journal is a powerful way to expand your success in life.