The tests are:

• Determining your resting heart rate
• Your target heart rate zone
• Your working heart rate
• Total body weight
• Dress, pant, and shirt sizes
• Body fat measurements
• Push yourself up
• Abdominal curls
• Stretching to the ceiling
• Determining your cardiovascular fitness
• Taking your measurements

In the book listed above, the recommendations for your program include evaluating how much time you spend on the couch. If you spend more time there than being active, the deconditioned workout routine is recommended.

For the deconditioned workout routine and for the conditioned workout routine, use the following steps:

1) Select your favorite exercises,

2) Determine how many sets and repetitions you want,

3) Determine how much weight for dumbbell you will use,

4) Cardiovascular exercise—your goal should be to reach

your target heart rate zone.

The tips they list for exercise are: squeeze something, hang loose, try aerobic exercise, take a walk, get into the swim of relaxation, don’t let stress give you a pain in the neck, learn and maintain good, antistress posture, work your jaw, and exercise on the job.

New links for using food and/or exercise journal:

Food and Meal Journal from Green Chair Press

Free diet and weight loss journal

Memory minder journals

How to Keep a Food Diary and Why

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1.  From osa: What We Wish Our Parents Understood About Our Sexual Abuse”:

One of the deepest sources of pain for sexual abuse survivors is the lack of support from family members, especially from parents. Over and over again, survivors of abuse have expressed the feeling that as destructive as sexual abuse is, it’s the abandonment and betrayal of their parents that hurt the most.

Conversely, when a child is believed and supported in childhood, the effects of the abuse are significantly diminished. Many parents don’t learn about the abuse until their child is grown, but understanding and support remain important even for adult survivors.

We asked survivors to share their stories and feelings about their abuse and the rejection of their parents. This is a collection of their thoughts, from their hearts, in their own words. For their full stories, you can read here.

2.  From Faith Allen: “Other Abuse Aftereffects: Splitting into Two Parts”:

I have encountered a handful of child abuse survivors who split into an adult and a child alter part. They would not be classified as having dissociative identity disorder (DID) because there is no loss of time or an interchange of personalities. My guess is that they would receive a label of dissociative disorder not otherwise specified (DD-NOS), but the label is irrelevant for the purpose of this blog entry. I want to provide a place where people who experienced this split have a place to be recognized.

The people I encountered in person, online, and through books who experienced the type of split I am talking about explain their experience along these lines … They might have experienced some level of abuse or trauma in their early years, but the trauma that caused the split seems to have happened in the age range of five to eight years old, with age six being the most common age for the split to have happened. Admittedly, I have only been able to observe the experiences of a small sample, so this is definitely not written in stone.

At the time of the split, the person “buries” the wounded child part and continues on with the part that grows into an adult. The person has two parts, but the child part does not come out, which is one reason this person would be unlikely to be diagnosed with DID.

3.  From just Be Real: “Healing of My Little Girl”:

We all have an inner child. I was not aware of that until I went through counseling. I just thought the way I behaved was because I was very immature and scared. Not realizing I was deeply hurt, frightened, angry, shameful… just to name a few.

As I began working on my issues and seeing how I react and think it made sense that another part of me (although one in all) was influencing me. A five year old inside me dictating my decisions most my life. Can you imagine? I can now.

I believe I had two major trauma’s in my life as a child. Sexually abused and the divorce of my parents. Basically both going on at the same time. Being sexually abused as a child (9 years old), I believe began a little before I even noticed that my parents were having difficulty in their marriage. Not understanding at all what both brought to me.

When I was sexually abused, I did not tell anyone out of fear and confusion. Many of us grew up in dysfunctional homes with dysfunctional parents. Being a victim of incest, I was even more afraid of telling a parent out of fear that they might blame me. I really do not know if I could even of expressed myself. I do not even know if I thought what my brother was doing and having me do to him was even wrong. I just know I did not like what was happening and was petrified.

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Kelli especially writes about being with a friend so that when problems come up, you can work together to come to a solution good for both parties. She includes these suggestions for mending a  troubled time in your relationship from Dr. Phil. He includes the following qualities for a better relationship: (1) have a solid friendship, (2) meet each other’s needs, (3) set specific goals, (4) get back to basics, (5) take responsibility, and (6) turn the negatives into a to-do list. I would also add that setting realistic , clear-cut goals helps to undermine any hidden agendas.

Most of all, I have realized that each partner in a long-term relationship needs to share what I call the same world view. My world view is to help others—it is a deep-seated need that I have had most of my life. My soon-to-be ex’s world view is to have fun. Any one who looked at our world view would see where we were headed.

Basically there are three main stages in a relationship. Stage One is that wonderful period that the other person can do no wrong. This stage lasts for 6 months to a year generally. However, I have met people who are fixated on stage one—not a relationship I would care to have but it works for them. Then Stage Two occurs when each partner comes to believe that the other is seriously flawed—it seems that he/she has nothing right about them.

The real growth comes in Stage Three where we each accept the other in total and work on compromising our positions for the greater good of each partner. I never made it to stage three. We have been locked in stage two for fourteen years. So I dealt with the power struggle the same way my mother did. I knew it didn’t work for her because my parents died in stage two after fifty years of marriage. But the roles we adopt generally aren’t clear until after the relationship has ended.

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1.  Avoid Overthinking

2.  Practice Acts of Kindness

3.  Focus on Your Relationships

4.  Pick a Goal

5.  Take Care of Your Body

From Positive Self Development: 10 Tips for Practicing Positive Psychology includes a report from Harvard Medical College and suggests the following tips to work more happiness and positive feelings in your life.

1.  Forget multitasking—do one thing well at a time

2. Celebrate—don’t rush on to the next thing

3.  Slow down—enjoy your daily life

4.  Simplify your life—begin by decluttering your environment

5.  Listen to relaxing music

Selena at Blissfully You suggests that in order to be happy right now, we: (1) get nuts (to eat), (2) go, go, go (raise your heart rate), and (3) get together (with the person who cheers you up the most).

Keep a Good Things Notebook on Your Desk is a great suggestion. In another post I wrote how I had to make a cardstock bright cut-out of the things that make me happy. I called it my Good Feelings Action List.

Finally, a reprint of a quotation from Rousseau’s autobiography, Reveries of a Solitary Walker, as included in a post by Kathy Kattenburg entitiled “What Is Happiness?” that she wrote for The Moderate Voice.

“If there is a state where the soul can find a resting-place secure enough to establish itself and concentrate its entire being there, with no need to remember the past or reach into the future, where time is nothing to it, where the present runs on indefinitely but this duration goes unnoticed, with no sign of the passing of time, and no other feeling of deprivation or enjoyment, pleasure or pain, desire or fear than the simple feeling of existence, a feeling that fills our soul entirely, as long as this state lasts, we can call ourselves happy, not with a poor, incomplete and relative happiness such as we find in the pleasures of life, but with a sufficient, complete and perfect happiness which leaves no emptiness to be filled in the soul.”

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1. From If You Want Kin, You Must Plant Kin: “I Won’t date…don’t ask me:

I met Tarik back in May when I was out dancing with some friends.  We danced, we tried to talk but the music was too loud, we exchanged numbers, I went home.

And then he called.  And then he called again.  And then he texted.  And then he asked me out.  And instead of my first thought being, “Oh, isn’t that nice? Tarik wants to get together,” my first thought was, “Oh Lord, a date?”

You’re right: that reaction didn’t bode well for Tarik.  I seem to have gotten to a place where I’m not all that interested in dating.  I’ll slog through a relationship, but I’ve lost the patience for the pre-game show.  I’ve done a fair amount of dating, but I don’t think I ever really learned how to do it.  I think you’re supposed to learn about it in high school, and I missed that class.

I’ve said goodbye to Tarik, but I’ve decided to “get back out there” in something that might vaguely resemble an active way … and this is going to mean going on dates.

What’s the problem with dating?  I like going out for coffee, out for dinner, out to the movies.  I like visiting museums and walking in the park.  I even like going to ball games … you know, sort of.  So what is it that I don’t like?  I think it’s the part where I have some guy there with me who I don’t know well and who expects me to make charming, sparkling conversation and show some level of interest in and attraction to him.

Yeah, that would be it.

2.  From Jessica Radloff’s survey: “What Guys Want you to Know (Part 1)”:

Q: What do you wish all women knew about guys?

“Not all guys only care about sleeping with you. But all guys will sleep with you immediately if given the chance. Fact.”
-Aaron K., 31, Los Angeles, Author & Comedian, single

“We are problem solvers. Do not tell us about a problem unless you want us to try and fix it.”
-Bob M., 31, Chicago, Attorney, in-a-relationship

“If we appear to be too good to be true, we usually are. We are more sensitive than you. We harbor more feelings than you care to know.”
-Buck W., 31, Detroit, Social Media Director/On Air CBS Radio, married

“What you call objectifying, we call admiring a superior physical form.”
-Matthew H., 32, Seattle, Senior Magazine Editor–Seattle Metropolitan Magazine, married and father of one

“Believe it or not, there are actually ‘good guys’ out there and we do not finish last. Go for your ‘bad boy’ type and see how that ends up for you. You know how it is going to end up but you still jump into the deep end of the pool because you think you can change him. Nine times out of 10 you are going to be banging your head against the wall. Avoid the pain and heartache and go for a guy that will treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated.”
-Michael M., 37, Los Angeles, Actor, married

“We are not as good as you (when it comes to) communicating and we do it differently than you. We know it can be frustrating, but you need to be patient with us and eventually we will open up and tell you what you want to know.”
-Tony B., 40, St. Louis, Financial Services, engaged

“We really are always thinking about it. Always.”
-Jason M., 29, St. Louis, Marketing, in-a-relationship

3.  From Jane Bolton’s Your Zesty Self: “Dating Anxieties: Facing the Unknown”:

“What can be done about the anxiety of receiving now?”

1. “Name the feelings. A big part of dealing with the fear that a desired person or relationship is “too good to be true” is just recognizing, and naming the anxieties, fears, worries, and doubts. The mere naming our feelings helps contain them.”

2. “Learn what thoughts and expectations you fill the space of the unknown with. Another step is to recognize that since dating is an exercise of dealing with the unknown, it is useful to come to know your patterns of dealing with the unknown.”

“Many people just project their fears into to the future, which by definition in unknown. So when you come across a situation in which you “don’t know” what will be there later, notice what you habitually fill in that space with. Are you filling that space of the with worry, doubt, and fear? That’s pretty common. But you don’t have to keep doing that.”

2. “Recognize that in fact you “really don’t know” the future. Another simple but profound way to practice quieting your anxiety is to add “but I really I don’t know” to every prediction of the future. Follow the thought “I can’t manage this,” “I need…,” or “I am…” with “but I really don’t know.” The phrase “But I really don’t know” challenges the seeming truth of everything we think. That phrase is another way of beginning to challenge the negative beliefs behind the anxiety.”

“Repeating the words “but I really don’t know” allows us to question tightly-held ideas. Done thoroughly, “but I really don’t know” can pull the rug out from under our most cherished limiting beliefs. All too often we don’t question our beliefs. And, since virtually every train of thought has some implicit belief, when we question our thoughts, we question these beliefs. This is similar to the lessons in the Course In Miracles “My thoughts don’t mean anything” and “I have given the meaning to everything I see”.

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Today I am writing a short post about the wonderful people I read who are interested in PTSD and/or who are recovering from PTSD, addiction, child abuse, sexual abuse, ACOA, and/or codependency.

1.  Susan Kingsley-Smith at A Journey….An amazing journey of hope, healing and self-discovery!

“The purpose of this blog then is to share the journey – the steps, the process, the path I have taken to identify a starting point of where I was in my journey, where I wanted to be, and the information, actions, insight and understanding that have moved me from dependance on external sources (other people places and things) for my solutions to that internal insight and awareness that offers those wonderful, life-changing “aha!” moments that are the beginning of lasting change.”

“Much of what I write here is part of the process that I have experienced as I walk this path.”

2.  Michelle Rosenthal at Heal My PTSD: Conquer the Past. Create the Future.

“In 1981 life really shocked me: I was 13 years old when I found myself struggling to survive Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, a freak allergy to a medication that turned me into a full-body burn patient almost overnight. None of my doctors had ever seen a case. By the time I was released from the hospital 3 weeks later I was a very different girl. The kid I had been was gone. The girl in her place was a complete stranger”

“It didn’t take long for insomnia, intrusive thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks to set in. I didn’t tell anyone. I was determined to go back to who I’d been before my illness, so I avoided all mention of my trauma, pretended the past was behind me and ran as fast as I could into the future.”

“Within 5 years I was a complete and total insomniac, anorexic, melt down mess. Over the years everyone thought I was a difficult teenager, and then a temperamental artist, and then just a really moody woman. The therapists my parents forced me to see didn’t recognize my classic symptoms of PTSD.”

“By my mid-twenties the stress of constant hypervigilance and hyperarousal, the lack of sleep, the unrelenting on-the-go lifestyle I lived so that I did not have to be alone with my thoughts began to entirely undermine my health. By the end of my twenties I was very ill: my hair was falling out, my liver, stomach and small intestines were in various stages of dysfunction. I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, and possible liver cancer (both of which turned out to be false, psychosomatic symptoms). By my mid-thirties I had developed advanced osteoporosis because, unable to get the nutrition it needed, by body pirated the minerals in my bones.”

“Still, none of the specialists or psychologists we consulted and with whom I worked recognized my symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress. In desperation I began to do my own research. It was my proactive, self-empowered search for information and help that led to my PTSD diagnosis. Finally, after 24 years of living without understanding what was wrong with me, I had a name for my insanity.”

“Receiving my diagnosis was only the beginning of my healing journey. Literally, the journey took me from New York City to Palm Beach, Florida. In the end, it required 10 modalities and quite a few practitioners to get me to where I am today: 100% PTSD-free.”

Michelle’s website has a weekly series about other PTSD survivors.

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“Mysupportsystemisledbyme” byJenniferStuck.

“Ever since I was four years old and my family found me being abused, when their normally loving faces turned cold, I thought that I had to hide what was happening to me. Even more than that, I thought I needed to hide who I was. I thought people only liked the fake me and the masks I put up, but not the real me underneath. It never occurred to me that I trusted in the wrong people and that there might be something wrong with them. I could only blame myself for not being good enough to be loved.”

“Not only was I clinging to the wrong people, I was making them my first and only support system, clinging to one unhealthy person at a time expecting them to fill all my emotional needs. By depending so much on other people I was setting myself up for disappointment. No one person could fill all of my needs, especially if I wasn’t filling my own first.”

“Now I’ve learned that I need a multi-person support system headed by myself. I am the first person I go to for comfort, I can make myself feel better, and I can have fun and laugh on my own. By depending on myself first, I eliminate the need to cling to unhealthy people. If I’m not desperate for love and support I can be choosier about who I invite into my life and I don’t need to look for love from unhealthy, abusive people. I can love myself.”

Stand-InorStar: TakingCenterStageinYourHealing by Bethany Ruck:

“A friend of mine used to be a stand-in on a network show. While the actors were in their trailers, he stood in front of the camera. He was examined from every angle while the crew perfected the lighting and worked out the camera positions before filming. But when the time came for the director to yell “action”, the real actors were brought in to perform.”

“He was the same height and build as the star he filled in for. He had the same hair color and skin tone as the actor. But he was no replacement for the talent. His only purpose was to help the crew prepare before the real work began.”

“Here at Overcoming Sexual Abuse, our writing team is like the stand-ins. Having a stand-in allows you to be able to see a situation on someone else before you try it on yourself. You can view it from different angles and see how the same might apply to your life. You have the opportunity to see if you identify with a story, a situation, or an emotion.”

“We have the unique dynamic of being a mother/daughter team. Many readers tend to label me as the child. Since my first post, messages have flooded my inbox. Some of them have been people who wanted support in their healing process, but the majority are survivors who offer to help or comfort me in my own healing.”

“You’re the star of your own healing journey. Healing requires you to allow the spotlight to be on you. Healing means sifting through your past, getting into the character of that inner child and reliving emotions that are dark and painful. Healing takes facing the lies you believed and seeing the truth. Being the star is hard work.  But the star gets the biggest pay-off. Your healing journey is unique to you. Let your healing take center stage instead of being upstaged by the stand-in.”

CrackingUpKeepsMeFromFallingApart: HowLaughterisPartofMyHealing by Nikki Stone.

“Hello, my name is Nikki Stone.  I am a Mental Health Advocate, Writer, Photographer, Artist, Domestic Engineer (a professional way of saying I am a housewife), Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend, and ultimately a human being—at least that is what I have recently discovered.

I have Bipolar Disorder that I am in recovery with and I am also a survivor from sexual, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical abuse.  I know the effects of abuse very deeply.  Three years ago I came to a total standstill in my life—actually I hit a huge brick wall and ended up having a nervous breakdown.”

“I lived in so much fear, anger, denial, shame, and guilt that I could not see any point in living.  To be honest, I would not let anyone help me.  Many tried, but I was in such a thick web of pain and lies that I could not see the truth about me or about my life.  I believed that I was evil, worthless, a waste of space and time.  This belief was built upon years and years of lies I chose to believe about myself.  I believed these lies so much that when someone would tell me the truth I didn’t believe them.”

“Though going through the nervous breakdown was a very dark time in my life, in a way I am kind of thankful it happened.  I know that may sound weird, however, it has been through the process of facing my worst fears and surviving them that I am now beginning to be the “REAL ME”.

“Until then, I was running on automatic. I was whatever people wanted me to be.  I was on a dead end road and I thought that death would solve my suffering.  However, I am glad that I made the choice to live.  I call my life now the gift of a second chance.  Now, I don’t have to be someone I am not just to be a person of value.  I am of value because I am a person.  It has been hard for me to realize this but there is so much truth to that.  I am on the road of healing, recovery, and ultimately living as a whole person and not a fragmented shell of a being.”

“The truth is, being a human means that we have our strengths but we also have our weaknesses.  I am not ashamed to be who I am, because no one else can be me thus no one else can tell me that I am doing it all wrong by being me.”

CopingorCoppingOut by Patty Hite:

“I recently moved from Florida to Ohio. My husband and I thought it would be a great move. I was raised in Ohio, so I was ready and willing to move back. He is ill and wanted me to be around my family.”

“It was a hard move. The dream that it would be “greener on the other side of the fence” turned out to be untrue. We drove through snow and ice in a convoy of two U-Haul trucks. We arrived to find that the home we rented has a landlord from hell. Everyday has been a struggle to get things fixed. The weather is too drastic for my husband. We realized that we need to go back home—home to Florida.”

“The thought of going through another move caused many coping mechanisms to surface. I had to choose to succumb to them or to overcome them. Fear was rising within me—fear of having no control over the situation.”

“I’ve been healing from my abuse long enough to know what I need to do in order to feel empowered again, but the truth is, I didn’t want to deal with healing. I’ve already dealt with my past—the dysfunction of my family, the sexual abuse of my sister and me, the physical abuse from my ex-husband and the sexual abuse of my children by their father. I don’t have flashbacks, triggers or nightmares. Anxiety attacks are taken care of, behavior and boundaries are renewed and I love who I am. The past doesn’t hurt anymore. I can talk about it without pain and sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else.”

“But sometimes the patterns from the past, the old behaviors, try to invade my thoughts and try to rule and control my emotions. I am aware of them, I know what needs to be done and I know how to control them. But sometimes, I just don’t want to.”

“The first thing to surface was the desire to dissociate. I’ve dealt with this, especially over this past year. I know when I am being wooed to escape and I have learned to overcome it. This past week, it came in like a flood and all I needed to do was open the gates. Part of me knew that if I gave in, I could escape, but the other part of me knew that it would become my “sick” friend again. I knew that if I invited it in, it would fight to stay. Dissociation is like getting drunk. It feels good at the moment because it offers temporary relief, but I have to face the real world when I wake up.”

“Then I had thoughts of “Woe is me!” “This isn’t fair!” “No one understands what I have to go through in order to make this move!” “No one cares!“ I didn’t give any thought to what this is doing to my husband. He is the ill one, yet I wanted to be ill. I wanted all the attention and I wanted everyone to feel sorry for me. I hung onto that for a few days and made life impossible for everyone around me. There was nothing they could do to make me feel better and I rejected every great idea they had. “It’s not going to work.” “There is no way to make this happen.”

“Isolation was another thing trying to woo me. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be left alone to wallow in my self pity. When anyone talked to me, I pretended like I didn’t hear them or my answers were so sharp they cut like a knife. I imagined putting on my coat and boots and walking until I got lost. Then everyone would wonder where I was or else they wouldn’t care and be glad I was gone. Would anyone even miss me? I was becoming a stranger to them. They didn’t know who this crazy woman was anymore. Dang. I didn’t know who I was anymore.”

“I hate being isolated. Not only do I stay away, my family stays away. I put up my walls that they won’t cross. Then they feel unwanted and unloved. I understand this pattern since it was a close friend of mine. I always wondered why I wasn’t invited places and why people didn’t want to be around me. I stayed away from them, then they stayed away from me. Then I’d get angry because they stayed away.”

Read them and others at OvercomingSexualAbuse.

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Some of the things that help many people are:

(1) Always have a plan for getting out of a rut. Continual stress without relief can easily lead to depression.

(2) Move to another project to work on if the lag is happening at the office,

(3) Take some time to do something creative and fun. Many times, creativity will help lead us back to our joyful, playful inner child.

(4) Call a trusted friend and vent out the feelings. Be careful to do this once so that the venting doesn’t take the place of real action.

(5) If your stuck place has been going on for awhile, consider hiring a life coach. An objective viewpoint will often offer new ideas or ways to change the situation or solve the problem.

(6) Maybe you need a whole day for yourself to do exactly what you’d like to do. Schedule these mini-vacations often to avoid burnout.

(7) Now is the time to schedule more meetings, call some new possible customers, or write a new marketing plan. Get moving!

(8) Maybe you need a physical jolt of exercise. Try a new sport, ride a bike, go swimming, go to the gym—whatever works for you,

(9) Get outside and get reconnected with nature. Smell the air, check out trees, listen to the birds, walk on new streets, go to the beach, or visit a local park.

(10) Have restorative hobbies such as volunteering, gardening, or fishing. Over time, they become welcome friends to return to over and over.

Some other links:

1.  From one of the best bloggers ever, Leo Babauta:  ”The Little Guide to Contentedness”

2.  From a holy experience: “When You Feel like Your Life’s a Mess….The Real Truth About Your Dirt”

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Carl Jung

1.  Guess what normal is: “Own Your Crap: Trade Blame for Honesty about What You’re Feeling”

“You ever notice how when you go at your partner with strong emotions, it pushes him or her away?   Isn’t that weird? Ever wonder how that works, exactly?  How could your important, strong, emotions become a big cow plow, ramming the person you care about most out of your path?  I mean, you just want them close, right?  Your only (secret, inner) wish is that they would perceive your misery behind the emotional storm and thunderbolts you’re throwing–hug you, hold you, save you from yourself. “

“But they just see the storm.  And who wouldn’t?”

“When I’m in the heat of an emotional snafu, I don’t get what’s obvious.  Not at all.  Later, when I’ve cooled to a normal, human temperature, it’s all too obvious:  Duh, my partner can’t “hear” me (well, he can sure hear me, but not hear the issue), not when I’m in a flurry and talking (in circles, scratching an emotional itch) about what sounds a lot like…blame.”

2.  Just be Real: “Survival Mode–Pretending”:

“My teenage years were the darkest for me. I shiver just thinking about how awful they were. I grew deeper and deeper into depression and isolation. Had no one to talk to. Sometimes I felt I lost touch with reality. Creating my own fantasy world with my own dialog and cast of characters in my head to ease my pain and to have some kind of life. As sick as it was. That was my survival mode. La La Land.”

“This late in my journey, some 40 years later, I am just now feeling some compassion for my mother. The Lord is showing me that she too was in her own pain. She did not know how to comfort me. She was in her own misery of guilt. She was hurting and she went into her own survival mode.”

“How have you survived?”

“Some of us become perfectionists to cover up our pain that we can even drive ourselves crazy with our rituals. Pretending all the way nothing is wrong. Which can drive us harder to perform perfectly for people. To please others. To somehow think our pain will ease if people will accept us.”

“But God does NOT ask for such sacrifices from us. It is NOT our job. God is aware of our brokenness. Our pain. He does not come to shame or condemn us.”

“So very easy to put on paper. Still it is a big pill to swallow. Sure my walls have thinned considerably around my heart, but some still remain. All in time. All in God’s time. The more I am willing to let Him continue do His surgery, the sooner I will be able to heal into the person I was intended to be! That surely will be freedom then!”

3.  Understanding My Son: “The Letter”

“We updated our letter from last year to make it current and it went out to the classroom parents this week.  G’s teacher was very enthusiastic about the idea and specifically told us we were doing a good job advocating for G.  I feel like it was our choice this year, vs last year when we were trying to head off problems with parents.  DH already got some positive feedback from another dad.”

‘Yet I still feel conflicted.  I know this is a proactive and positive step but I can’t help but feel that we’re betraying G’s privacy.  It’s a bit hypocritical of me, I talk about his autism with other parents often.  The difference is that is one-on-one where I can get a feel for the individual person before I say anything.  This feels more like taking out an ad in the paper.”

“However, I know this is necessary.  The first few days have gone smoothly, as is typical.  We generally start seeing problems during week two that stretch into the remainder of the first month.  By giving parents a head’s-up, we’re garnering a little leeway while we work through the issues.’

“I know not everything relates to alcoholism, but I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t the true root of my discomfort.  When you live in an alcoholic home, you spend an extraordinary amount of time and effort covering up your family problems.  You create a facade of perfection so that nobody will suspect anything dysfunctional is happening behind closed doors.  Sending out this letter feels like I’m exposing our family secrets.  There is nothing shameful about autism, it’s just a fact of life, but taking this action goes against everything I’ve ever done from the time I first realized my dad wasn’t like other dads.”

“Maybe the issue isn’t really one of betraying G’s privacy.  Maybe the issue is really with me and my fear-based need to be seen as perfect.”

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1. Have a plan for your healing your body and work your plan.

2. Decide your heaviest eating time period. Be sure to have healthy foods on hand for those craving periods.

3. Don’t ever go on a diet. Diets are deprivation. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. Instead develop your own food program. Your food program should include the things you love to eat. Choose to eat from a small plate. Eat half as much as you used to eat.I use a 1/2 cup measure.

4. Remove food temptations from your home. If you are eating right, you will never be uncomfortable after eating.

5. Plan daily times for exercise. You may need to schedule several shorter periods rather than one long one. The new recommendation is for 60 minutes per day. I belong to a gym because it gives me motivation when I see all the other people there. I was not a natural lover of exercise. I am now because I have an exercise plan and I follow it.
But mainly I exercise because it makes me feel better.

6. Divide your exercise among strength, balance, aerobics(cardiovascular), and flexibility.Rotate among these types of exercises throughout your exercise week. The main reason that people don’t complete exercise programs is because they are bored–plan your exercise to be fun. Also learn to monitor your heart rate. Since I am 64 (in 2004), I checked with my doctor first before I joined the gym. I believe anyone at any age should see what their doctor recommends for them. Learn to measure your target heart-rate zone. This zone is the number of beats your heart beats per minute. Learn to measure your heart rate recommended for your age.

7. Develop a list of 20-30 healthy things that you like to eat that are 100-200 calories each. Be sure to include several of these daily and always have them on hand.

8.Break away from people who aren’t supportive of your choice to be healthy. Criticism is not support. You need to be around people that love and support you. From time to time, you may have someone around
you who is draining your energy. They “yes, but” you about everything. I say about these people that I can’t emotionally afford them. How can I help anyone if I allow one person to drain me? Our energy is like a battery–drain the battery, no energy.

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