Emotional Sobriety: My Journey to ACA » Uncategorized

January 2012 Topic: Transactional Analysis: Game Theory of TA

kberman — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:34:02 +0000

Reprinted from working-minds.com: “Game Theory in a Nutshell”:

Dr. Berne discovered the Game Theory area of T/A during close study of alcoholics. He defined only three roles or moves in Game-playing: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor. You all make these moves in virtually all transactions, automatically, by default, because these three moves were given to you by example, since the day that you first drew breath, since every one of you grew up inside the Culture-Structure.

The advantage of learning and consciously, intentionally operating inside of an awareness of Games operated by others is the same as with any skill: You can learn to drive from a parent, or you can learn to drive at racing school; you can learn English in school or on the street or from our brain-deadening media – or you can study an encyclopedia and a dictionary and a thesaurus. One is haphazard, the other produces a skill.

How you know that there is a Game is that there is a switch. Someone bangs their car into yours, you become a Victim – or they do. If there is a policeman nearby, you might prevail upon them to Rescue you. Both sides in such a case will usually attempt the role of Persecutor, either immediately – loud accusations, even fisticuffs – or wait to ask the insurance company to Rescue by acting as Persecutor.

The Dating Game is fraught with soap opera-style drama: girl flirts with boy (Rescue me from being single); boy takes girl out and is over-aggressive (she is Victim); she tells all her friends (Rescue by sympathy). Meanwhile, he tells all his friends how she conned him for dinner and entertainment (he is also Victim, from the same evening), and likewise receives ‘Rescue by sympathy’.

If things go just a little wrong, she warns her friends of his boorish or ill-mannered behavior (Persecutor), and-or he lies to his friends that she led him on and did not acquiesce (same evening: he is also Persecutor). If things go really bad, she calls the cops on him for touching her (serious Persecutor), or he does more than touch her (same: serious Persecutor). Switch, switch, switch.

On and on, for the last several millennia, with no solution expected for the never-ending Battle of the Sexes/Genders – or for the Irish or the Israelis or the native population of whatever country you want to name.

But the use of T/A skills can intervene in this automatic stimulus-response, which occurs at the level of Individual, at the levels of Group and Community, and indeed, between nations and races. In fact, should an expedition of Martians ever land on the White House lawn, Mankind will perpetuate this same Game behavior on them, which the Martians will not comprehend. I expect any such party of Visitors From Space will either take us under their wing, classifying us as intergalactic savages, or take immediate offense and wipe us out without a qualm.

Photo credit.

The Moment That Changed My Life

kberman — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 01:43:00 +0000

Each life has defining moments. The moment that changed my life happened in a home for alcoholic women in 1976. I was in a discussion with Lois, another alcoholic from Brooklyn, and she was talking about her life. Midway through her talk, I felt intense warmth toward her and compassion flowed through me. The miracle was that I had had a very sheltered life and she had had a very tough life, but in that moment we were sisters and kindred spirits.

When I got up and walked outside, everything was different—trees, cars, the street—I saw everything with new eyes. It took me much searching to find out what had happened to me. In a book by William James entitled The Varieties of Religious Experience (1902), I found that I had had a radical conversion.

Did I answer a calling? I don’t know what happened to me except I knew that God had given me that compassion and love that I felt that day. I know that someone with an experience is never at the mercy of someone with an argument.

From that day until today, I have tried to accept the guidance that God gives me and it has been the most amazing journey. I don’t believe that God does more for me now than He did before that day. The difference is that I now can see the daily miracles. “Once I was blind and now I see.”

Photo credit.

Sarah T’s Recovery Story

kberman — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 01:21:40 +0000

I grew up without a dad. I guess that got to me more than I thought. I was always a good little girl. I had good friends and I went to church all the time. Me and my mother didn’t get along too well. She always wanted me to be someone I was not. She didn’t like the size I was. I was not fat, just not skinny.I went on a church trip once and there I tasted alcohol for the first time. I loved it. Something just clicked inside of me. I no longer felt the bad feelings I once did.

I then started to smoke pot and then taking pills. Before long I was a full blown cocaine addict. I loved it. It made me numb and all of the things I use to worry about no longer mattered.I sold many things to get cocaine. I began to hate it, but I needed it. One night I had a wreck. My mother found out I was on drugs and sent me to rehab. I relapsed after rehab. The cocaine addiction got worse. So did the drinking.

I Can Make It

Finally something in me just could not take it anymore, so I went to an AA meeting. I have been sober now for three months. I still have a lot of work to do and I still have a long path ahead, but with God helping me I believe and have hope that I can make it through this hard life.I am now only 18 years old and about to start college. I never would I have thought I would be alive to go to college, but thank you, dear Lord, for giving me life. If it worked for me it can work for you.

This excerpt is from About.

Photo credit.

These Posts Show Why I Love Gen X Bloggers!

kberman — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 00:57:40 +0000

I love young people and their ideas. We are living in a world now that includes young people thinking of how they can help instead of just take. See if you like their ideas also.

1. From Penelope Trunk: “Volkswagen Super Bowl ad is an anthem to Gen X”:

“This makes me happy to be part of Generation X. First of all, this is the small window of time when Generation X will have the largest buying power in the consumer market. We are at our highest earning power, which, admittedly, is not impressive, but earnings are all relative, and people are discriminating against the Baby Boomers because of their age, so it’s our heyday.”

“It’s also our heyday because Gen X values are front and center. And we’re about family. We don’t earn as much as Baby Boomers did because we work such fewer hours. We’ve downsized our careers to take care of our kids. We’ve taken back the dignity of working part-time. We’ve deconstructed stay-at-home parenting as a respectful career alternative.”

“So I love this commercial because it captures the shared experience of Generation X. We like being home to make our kids peanut butter and jelly. You could not sell Baby Boomers with this. They think it’s lame to sit in a kitchen waiting for your kid to be hungry. We like having a male breadwinner and we’re not afraid to say it.”

“And we are surrounded by little boys in love with Star Wars.”

2. From Carolyn Rubenstein: “Confronting Fear: A Super Simple Technique”:

“When something feels bigger than you, it’s easy to walk away and say fear interfered. And you’ll be right. It did interfere. But is it the fear of the scary or the fear of the scary good that you are letting rock your boat? (key word: letting)”

“Oftentimes, when we face what we’re resisting, we find that it’s actually the good stuff that scares us far more than the truly scary stuff.”

“I experience fear every single day. But it’s this fear that when unraveled leads to strength and growing confidence.”

“When I feel paralyzed by fear, I do the following exercise. And it works every single time.”

“Think of something beyond your comfort zone. Now turn that thought into a concrete, very doable action.”

“For example:
… send one-sentence email to person x (person x = this person feels big + scary in your mind and you find it hard to justify why person x would want to receive an email from you)

… write down the phone number for that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off

… print an image related to a goal or dream and post it where you will see it A LOT

… open the envelope (you don’t have to look at what’s inside, just take the first action and open it)”.

3. From Joe Barcello: “Gen X and Middle Aged”:

“I have hair in my ears. This shocks and appalls me. I also can’t touch my toes anymore and I have an arthritic thumb that can predict rainfall. How did this happen? I have the brain of a teenager but the body of well…my Dad. Actually I’m a little fatter than him now.”

“What kind of time warp was I in that I now find myself middle aged? Proper middle aged by the way. I’m 38. I find few things more annoying than a 64 year old Baby Boomer claiming to be “middle aged.” Really? Hey Pops do you plan on living to 128? I don’t so. I don’t care how much fish oil you take and what kind of erectile dysfunction medication you’re on. In my eyes you have one foot in the grave. Better make the best of your final 20 years (if you’re lucky). All I ask is that you embrace the fact that you want that Porsche to compensate for your baldness and not because of some stage of life you’re going through.”

“I guess in my mind I thought I’d be more evolved by now. Somehow more “grown up.” Sure I like some classical music and I can formulate an opinion on the corporate bailouts and the Social Security crisis. But I also still play video games and listen to old school rap. Does that make me interesting or conflicted? I’m not sure. For now I’ll just keep plucking ear hairs and playing Rock Band on the Wii with my kids.”

Photo Credit.

Summary of Topics for the 12 Week High Energy Links

kberman — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 16:52:15 +0000

The High Energy life links are arranged by weeks to include physical, mental, emotional and spiritual techniques. In our new world of information, it is estimated that we receive daily the amount of information that our grandparents received yearly. Hard to believe but as someone who has a Google Reader with over 1000 blogs, I know that anything I want to know is on the Internet somewhere.

But most people have busy lives. I wrote the High Energy Life link directory to enable anyone to pick and choose what healing techniques s/he wanted to include in a busy life. Each week includes links for the following topics.

Week One-

Deep breathing techniques

Calorie needs

Stretching exercises

Beginning meditations

Before losing weight, pay attention to these

Walking as exercise

Week Two-

Balanced life

Being centered

Body scan

Breathing meditation

Types of meditation

Weekly action plan

Week Three-

BMI body mass index

Your observer self-transactional analysis

Sitting-walking-eating meditations

Cardiovascular exercises

Introducing yoga into your life

Week Four—

Affirmations—autosuggestions

30-35 grams of fiber daily

Carbohydrates

Flexibility exercises

Heart rate

Formal walking meditation

Prayer suggestions

Week Five—

Assertiveness

Coping techniques

Creative visualizations

Creativity

Relaxation meditation

Strength training

Week Six—

Autogenic training

Endurance exercise

Job stress management

Mantra meditation

Protein

Week Seven—

Hydrotherapy

Journaling

Lovingkindness meditation

Mix and match healing

Self worth

Support system

Time management

Water

Week Eight—

Communication

Reaching a plateau

Nutrition

Progressive muscle relaxation

Partner meditation

Relationships

Week Nine—

Low calorie diets

Empowerment

Fitness plan

Light therapy

Rational thinking

Week Ten—

Concentration meditation

Forgiveness

Goal setting

Inner child

Interval training

Reflexology

Week Eleven—

Acupuncture

Alexander technique

Compassion

Glycemic index

Massage

Self-hypnosis

Visualization meditation

Week Twelve—

Acupressure

Art therapy

Prayer walking

Raising energy meditation

Therapeutic touch

Age and exercise

What is Depression?

kberman — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 07:56:23 +0000

stillness of nature by alicepopkorn

I am beginning to see that all my troubles have their root in a habitual and absolute dependence upon my personal prestige, security, and romantic attachment. When these things go wrong, there is depression. Now this absolute dependence upon people and situations for emotional security is, I think, the immense and devastating fallacy that makes us miserable. This craving for such dependencies, this utter dependence upon people and situations, can only lead to conflict. Both on the surface and at depth. We are making demands on circumstances and people that are bound to fail us. The only safe and sure channel of absolute dependence is upon God himself.
-Bill Wilson, Letter, April, 1953

Depression has been called the common cold of mental health. Most people will experience some variety of depression. Those who experiences these feelings yo a lesser degree will be convinced that all people can shake off these feelings. But there are many depths to the misery of depression. I always advise that if you have any thoughts of suicide reach out to someone to tell them of your discomfort. If the person you reach ot to you seems to be dismissing your words, seek out someone else. Call a suicide help line if needed. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, http://suicidehotlines.net/, or http://hopeline.com/.

Are Antidepressants For You?

An Evolving View of Depression

The Signs of Depression and What You Can Do About Them

“Psychotherapy Works” is Still News to Many

An Evolving View of Depression

Spelunker

Anxiety and Depression Help: 4 Effective Treatments

Self-Esteem A-Z Link Directory

kberman — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 22:09:01 +0000

By Rafa. Bl e Clarinha

From Chris Alba on Enchanted Oak–”You Are Who You Are”

“Part of my imperfection is that I really need the affirmation of others to believe that I am okay as I am. I can accept it today, since most other people feel the same way. Acceptance of my humanity makes it possible for me to be me and to let you be you.”

“Today my intuition is better than it once was, thanks to the Steps. I can feel when I’m not being authentic, when I’m searching more for affirmation than I should. I’ve also been blessed because the people I’m close to also accept me as I am, and they don’t require me to be other than that.”

“Do you believe you’re good just as you are? Are you glad you are who you are?”

There is a Beauty Within In You#19: Finding the Butterfly Hidden Within the Caterpillar

5 Steps to Channeling Your Very Own Greek God/Goddess

Creativity and Successful Brain Aging: Going With the Flow

Fired! Do’s and Don’ts for the Recently Laid Off or Let Go

How to Extract Your Best Business Idea

Keep a Positive Folder to Boost Your Mood: Thank You, Ron Pies

Learning to Love Ourselves

Are You Feeding Yourself a Well-Balanced Life? Hungers That Lead to Overeating

10 Ways to Bring Meaning into Your Life

Do You Have a Dependent Personality?

The Personality of the Workaholic and the Issue of “Self”

Two Questions You Must Answer to Live the Life You Want

Attending to the Undervalued Self

Self-Esteem Teams

Dealing with Setbacks as a Person Who is Addicted to Achieving Success

Build Your Self-Esteem During Unemployment: A Starter Guide

What’s Missing From Weight Loss: Self Love

Who Do You Think You Are

Women Who Rule

The Hustle for Worthiness

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook

kberman — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 07:38:06 +0000

Lotus ceiling lights by Wonderlane

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook

Martha Davis, Elizabeth Eshelman, Matthew McKay

ISBN 1-57224-214-0

Amazon link

“Stress is an everyday fact of life. You can’t avoid it. Stress is any change that you must adapt to, ranging from the negative extreme of actual physical danger to the exhilaration of falling in love or achieving some long-desired success. In between, day-to-day living confronts even the most well-managed life with a continuous stream of potentially stressful experiences. Not all stress is bad. In fact, stress is not only desirable but also essential to life. Whether the stress you experience is the result of major life changes or the cumulative effect of minor everyday hassles, it is how you respond to these experiences that determines the impact stress will have on your life.”

Contents

1) How You React to Stress

2) Body Awareness

3) Breathing

4) Progressive Relaxation

5) Meditation

6) Visualization

7) Applied Relaxation Training

8) Self-Hypnosis

9) Autogenics

10) Brief Combination Techniques

11) Recording Your Own Relaxation Tape

12) Refuting Irrational Ideas

13) Thought Stopping

14) Worry Control

15) Coping Skills Training

16) Goal Setting and Time Management

17) Assertiveness Training

18) Job Stress management

19) Nutrition

20) Exercise

21) When It Doesn’t Come Easy—Getting Unstuck

The Difficulty in Getting Help for Mental Health

kberman — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 06:32:57 +0000

What do you call a group of fish? by kdinuraj

After my two years with clinical depression, I finally understood that I needed medical attention. Although I have always looked for help, I generally have had to be self-diagnosed. Most medical doctors don’t recognize depression in their patients. If a patient says that s/he is depressed, many times the doctor will ask the patient if they need medication. This turning the diagnosis over to the patient doesn’t happen in most of fields of medicine.

I think the difficulty for doctors is caused by patients seeking drugs for an escape from reality rather than for the need of chemical imbalance. The other large difficulty for medicating mental problems is the fact that it may take several different prescriptions to find the right anti-depression (anxiety, etc.) drug to work for each patient. this slows down the rapid delivery system of getting medications to heal all as we have become a nation of “instant fixes”. This selection of drugs is difficult as any of the drugs for mental illness take 4-6 weeks to be effective in the system.So if one doesn’t work, the next one prescribed will be 4-6 weeks also. The patient feels that the doctor doesn’t know what she/he is doing so many times the patient returns to the self-medication he/she has found to work.

So most of the population who suffer from a chemical imbalance continue to be self-medicated (alcohol, other drugs, sex, work, food, etc.

Caught in the web? You need help, not labels by Todd Essig

Get help from Mental Health America

Mental help net community

Internet mental health has a self-diagnosis section

Spirituality and Practice A-Z Link Directory

kberman — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 07:40:01 +0000

By Jenny Downing

Spirituality and Practice is one of my favorite online sources for spiritual direction and guidance. I have taken most of the links on their site and put them into an A-Z link directory for easy reference. If you see a link from this site that you would like included, please send me email: changemaker.kathy@gmail.com.

21-Day Programs

Attention

Audios for Spiritual Journeys

Beauty

Being Present

The Blessing Path

Books for Spiritual Journeys

Content Areas at Spirituality and Practice