Solitude by imapix

Whole person counseling, an organization created by Basil Frasure, offers treatment for the whole person—spirit, soul and body. He has created a very useful chart explaining the basic approaches to counseling. His chart has four sections—(1) counseling methods, (2) causes for problems, (3) treatment method, and (4) counselor’s approach.

The counseling methods he lists are:

• Psychoanalysis (psychological) using psychotherapy
• Non-directive counseling (self-discovery)
• Existential counseling redirecting of priorities
• Transactional analysis as a re-education of mechanics of roles
• Behavioral counseling as relearning based primarily upon a reward system omitting punishment
• Reality therapy as the confrontation with facts
• Biblical counseling as the application of the word of God by hearing and obeying God

When I started my transformation in 1976, I found books by Eric Berne that helped me to “see” how most of my mind was obsessed with following roles that I had adopted as a child. When you grow up in a hostile environment, your mind takes on defenses to avoid further conflict. These are called defense mechanisms and they are so effective for when we are in fear that we continue to believe we have to “defend” ourselves throughout life. We don’t.

What Eric Berne taught me through his writings was about transactional analysis was that my thoughts were dictated by my choices of the these roles—parent, child and adult. He further defines these three roles into sub roles of three. By following the examples he gave, I realized that 90% of my thinking was in the “parent” role (judgmental, accusatory, condemning,) and 10% as a willful, complaining child. These are learned roles and can easily be relearned. The goal of TA is to have a large parent with the other two roles (called ego states) being smaller.

Business Balls does a good job of defining the three roles.

Business Balls defines the three roles (called ego states) as:

1.  Parent–

Physical – angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronizing gestures,

Verbal – always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronizing language, posturing language.

N.B. beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear ‘Parental’.

2.  Child–

Physical – emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal – baby talk, I wish, I don’t know, I want, I’m going to, I don’t care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

3.  Adult–

Physical – attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal – why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realize, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

Modern developments for TA has been defined by several people—Claude Steiner is a recognized leader. Business balls gives these definitions:

Parent is now commonly represented as a circle with four quadrants:

Nurturing – Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).

Controlling – Structuring (positive) and Critical (negative).

Child is now commonly represented as circle with four quadrants:

Adapted – Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative).

Free – Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).

Adult remains as a single entity, representing an ‘accounting’ function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.

A more complex and complete definition of the modern TA theory is written by Claude Steiner. He does a great job of including the evolution of ideas for this counseling method.

A quite clever diagram at changingminds.org shows the interactions of the parent, child and adult. The roles pictured here are: controlling parent (Do this. Stop that), nurturing parent (It’s OK), adult, adaptive child (No. Please), natural child (Whee. Wah!), the little professor (let’s try), and my favorite role (creative-‘free child’).

Further reading about Transactional Analysis:

A Compilation of Core Concepts

Key Ideas Summary

Transactional Analysis Student—the study and training aids for trainee psychotherapists and counselors

TA Tudor includes a study guide for the TA 101 course and also has 400+ handouts

(6)  TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines

By A Customer-”Best introduction to current transactional analysis, both for anyone and professionals. Introduces the key concepts of TA in a very practical manner. You are also encouraged to work on yourself using the concepts. Very easy to read and comprehensive at the same time.’

(7)  Transactional Analysis: 100 Key Points and Techniques by Mark Widdowson

“Transactional Analysis (TA) is a versatile and comprehensive system of psychotherapy. Transactional Analysis: 100 Key Points and Techniques synthesizes developments in the field, making complex material accessible and offering practical guidance on how to apply the theory and refine TA psychotherapy skills in practice.”

(8)  Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy (Advancing Theory in Therapy) by Helena Hargaden and Charlotte Sills

From Amazon’s product notes-

“Transactional Analysis: A Relational Perspective presents a relational model of psychotherapy which reflects the theoretical and methodological changes that have been evolving over recent years.”

“In this book, Helena Hargaden and Charlotte Sills tell the story of their model through case history, theory and diagram illustrating how the unconscious process comes to life in the consulting room. Their relational theory and applied methodology of transactional analysis makes it possible to chart realms of uncertainty and the unknown, (deconfusion of the Child ego state), with theoretical assistance.”

(9)  Raising Kids O.K.-Transactional Analysis in Human growth and Development by Dorothy Ellen Babcock and Terry D. Keepers

Customer review:

“This was the first growth and development book addressed to parents for child-raising within the framework of Transactional Analysis. Unlike earlier books which focused on an understanding of adult behavioral difficulties, this is the first book showing the parents how to bring up their children so that they will become adults with intimacy, awareness, and spontaneity they need to live happy and fulfilled lives.”

 
“This book covers normal psychological development, emphasizing healthy family functioning and including the entire life span. Filled with down-to-earth, practical advice, it guides the parents to an understanding of the child’s needs in term of emotional help and time structuring.”

(10)  A New Self: Self-Therapy with Transactional Analysis by Muriel James and Louis Savary

No notes available.

(11)  Are You OK? – the essential video on transactional analysis for everyone

DVD

Oceans of Light by eye-of-einstein

I have written about the importance of using transactional analysis to discover which of your inner voices has the main track. Our feelings come from our thoughts. So if we are basically in our inner child, we may feel inadequate, angry, abused, etc.

TA teaches us that we have inner child, inner parent, and inner adult. Each of these three mind sets also have good and bad components to each of them. The components of each of these is explained very well by Dr. Claude Steiner. Dr. Steiner’s biography is here.

The components excerpts are from this page:

(1)   “Ego States and Transactions: People’s interactions are made up of transactions. Any one transactions has two parts: the stimulus and the response. Individual transactions are usually part of a larger set. Some of these transactional sets or sequences can be direct, productive and healthy or they can be devious, wasteful and unhealthy.”

“When people interact they do so in one of three different ego states. An ego state is a specific way of thinking feeling and behaving and each ego state has its origin in specific regions of the brain. People can behave from their Parent ego state, or from their Child ego state or from their Adult ego state. At any one time our actions come from one of these three ego states.”

(2)  The Inner Child is referred by Johnny Truant writing for copyblogger.com. His post is titled:  “What My Five-Year-Old Son Taught Me About Marketing”

“You know that “inner child” we hear so much about — the one that’s supposedly deep inside of all of us?”

“Well, I live with it. As a matter of fact, I call him “Austin.”

“In the five years I’ve been a parent, I’ve realized that the notion of the inner child is more than just a neat psychological construct. It’s very nearly a literal thing. As we grow up, we don’t change so much as drape layer after complicated layer of adult emotion on top of that inner child. The child doesn’t vanish; he just gets obscured and filtered.”

“You don’t get an evolved, new mature being. You get Austin with fifteen blankets over his head.”

“Because that kid always remains at our core (and if you’ve ever caught yourself playing kids’ games with genuine enjoyment, you know that it does), our base motivations remain as well. They just get a little harder to see.”

(3)  “Art of Attention: Awakening” by Elena Brower encourages self-observation:

“Self observation, leading to self mastery, is the most neutral scientific observation of one’s self in order to discover from which center [physical, emotional or mental] the current reactions are flowing. Translated: to see which part of your being is enslaved to some external circumstance right now. To do so, practice watching your tendencies with curiosity instead of dread or judgment; the slightest bit of agility with your attention is all you need to bring you back to what is really happening, and your heart becomes more nimble all the time.”

[Tangentially, an example for the parents: your child needs you to be unshakably calm. Through watching myself overreact with my child, I've learned that to be an attentive parent is just to offer the simplest, calm responsiveness - and that our calm is infectious every time. I write this so I will remember this.]”

Sunshine Skyway by Dave Hogg

The introduction and/or creation of transactional analysis came from Eric Berne. His book is:

(1)  Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis.

From Amazon’s product notes:

“Forty years ago, Games People Play revolutionized our understanding of what really goes on during our most basic social interactions. More than five million copies later, Dr. Eric Berne’s classic is as astonishing–and revealing–as it was on the day it was first published. This anniversary edition features a new introduction by Dr. James R. Allen, president of the International Transactional Analysis Association, and Kurt Vonnegut’s brilliant Life magazine review from 1965.”

“We play games all the time–sexual games, marital games, power games with our bosses, and competitive games with our friends. Detailing status contests like “Martini” (I know a better way), to lethal couples combat like “If It Weren’t For You” and “Uproar,” to flirtation favorites like “The Stocking Game” and “Let’s You and Him Fight,” Dr. Berne exposes the secret ploys and unconscious maneuvers that rule our intimate lives.”

Explosive when it first appeared, Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. It’s as powerful and eye-opening as ever.

(2)  Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts by Claude Steiner.

From Amazon’s product notes:

“When Claude Steiner and the late Eric Berne developed the theory of Transactional Analysis, their basic belief that people were “born princes and princess, until their parents turned them into frogs” countered the fundamental principle of psychiatry which asserts that emotional and mental distress comes from within.”

“This theory was further developed in Steiner’s book Games Alcoholics Play. Dr. Berne, in What Do You Say After You Say Hello?, acknowledged Steiner’s important role in the analysis of “life scripts” which we choose at an early age and which rule every detail of our lives until our death.”

“In Scripts People Live, Steiner expands upon this belief to show that people are innately healthy but develop a pattern early in life based upon negative or positive influences of those around them.”

(3)  Games Alcoholics Play by Claude Steiner

From Amazon’s product  notes:

“The most lucid account of the patterns of problem drinkers ever set down in a book!”

“Drawing on soundly tested theories of transactional behavior, Dr. Steiner describes the three distinct types of alcoholics — Drunk and Proud, Lush and Wino — and their games, scripts and rackets: Debtor… Kick… Cops and robbers… Plastic Woman… Captain Marvel…Ain’t it awful… Schlemiel… Look how hard I’ve tried… and others.”

“His approach is the single most useful tool for dealing with alcoholism since A.A. and the Twelve Steps, and offers the first real help — and hope — for problem drinkers and their families.”

(4) I’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas Harris

From Amazon’s product notes:

“Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, and Child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication.”

“Happy childhood” notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. ”

At some stage early in our lives we adopt a “position” about ourselves and others that determines how we feel about everything we do. And for a huge portion of the population, that position is “I’m Not OK — You’re OK.”

“This negative “life position,” shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational Adult capabilities, leaving us vulnerable to inappropriate emotional reactions of our Child and uncritically learned behavior programmed into our Parent. By exploring the structure of our personalities and understanding old decisions, Harris believes we can find the freedom to change our lives.”

(5) Born to Win by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward

From Amazon’s product notes:

“A national bestseller in 1971, Born to Win still sells thousands of copies each year. The insights in the book are now fundamental to how we see ourselves. It was one of the first self-help books to analyze communication styles and its 50 gestalt exercises are as revealing as ever about the roles people reenact in their Parent and Child ego states.”

Orange-Pear Biter

Transactional analysis is the method I used to identify what the committee in my head was saying to me. I found that I was using two ego states: spoiled brat and punishing parent. No wonder I was miserable. Transactional analysis helps you to define your inner child, inner parent, and inner adult.

Business Balls defines the three roles (called ego states) as:

1.  Parent–

Physical – angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronizing gestures,

Verbal – always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronizing language, posturing language.

N.B. beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear ‘Parental’.

2.  Child–

Physical – emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal – baby talk, I wish, I don’t know, I want, I’m going to, I don’t care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

3.  Adult–

Physical – attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal – why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realize, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

Modern developments for TA has been defined by several people—Claude Steiner is a recognized leader. Business balls gives these definitions:

Parent is now commonly represented as a circle with four quadrants:

Nurturing – Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).

Controlling – Structuring (positive) and Critical (negative).

Child is now commonly represented as circle with four quadrants:

Adapted – Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative).

Free – Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).

Adult remains as a single entity, representing an ‘accounting’ function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.

A more complex and complete definition of the modern TA theory is written by Claude Steiner. He does a great job of including the evolution of ideas for this counseling method.

A quite clever diagram at changingminds.org shows the interactions of the parent, child and adult. The roles pictured here are: controlling parent (Do this. Stop that), nurturing parent (It’s OK), adult, adaptive child (No. Please), natural child (Whee. Wah!), the little professor (let’s try), and my favorite role (creative-‘free child’).

Further reading about Transactional Analysis:

A Compilation of Core Concepts

Key Ideas Summary

Transactional Analysis Student—the study and training aids for trainee psychotherapists and counselors

TA Tudor includes a study guide for the TA 101 course and also has 400+ handouts