By vl8189

No one else can make anyone feel anything, everything we feel is our choice. If we are choosing to continue in relationships, jobs, or situations that contribute to our feelings of negativity, we need to ask ourselves why we aren’t choosing to be happy. Happiness is a choice. With the choosing of happiness comes the responsibility to give up self-destructive patterns. Learn to distinguish what you like and what you don’t like.

The healing principle is that as we believe we will get better, we will get better. But choices have to be made. You can’t hold on to misery with one hand and reach for happiness with the other. As the trapeze artist lets go of one bar before she grasps the next one, so also must we give up misery for happiness.

Other methods to increase our self-esteem are (1) set goals from the dreams we have of what we would like to have in our lives, (2) learn to take risks in all areas of your life, and (3) develop a clear-cut precise schedule adding physical, mental, and spiritual healthy activities to our weekly life.

In developing positive self-talk, affirmations and guided imagery may be used. Remember our subconscious mind doesn’t know if something has happened already or is to happen in the future. Only the conscious mind knows time.

Therefore, don’t implant wishes or doubts with words like maybe or is or I hope. Use action positive words such as I am, I enjoy, I believe, I want, etc. Trust your subconscious to lead you to your “higher self”.

Develop an attitude of being gentle with yourself. Learn to recognize that the source of uncomfortable feelings is that we have added some degree of judgment to the future. The pain we feel is fear which is the withholding of love. The withholding hurts us as well as the person we’re “punishing”.

So all hatred is self-hatred first. It begins inside us and is projected outward. As we learn our loveability, we see the love in others. As we love ourselves, we project the love to others. As we love ourselves, we project to others. We confuse the giving of loving with the power of others. If I love someone who chooses not to love me, have I lost anything? If I choose to not love another and feel that hatred pass through me, have I gained anything? Who is the loser when I choose not to love?

We each have life issues that periodically disrupt our patterns. Knowing our issues helps us to accept the lessons quicker by spending less time in denial of them. Some of these issues may be: accepting our feelings, labeling our feelings, control, boundaries, intimacy, commitment, conflict, trust, authority figures, etc.

Likewise, we each are a collection of selves: (1) child, (2) adolescent, (3) teenager, (4) young adult, and possibly, (5) an older adult. Periodically, we need to “step back” emotionally and observe our own behavior in order to understand the behavior choices we are making.

In learning to check in with ourselves, we come to accept that just as we may be coming from several different vantage points from within ourselves, so also are all the other persons we encounter whether they are aware of their vantage points or not.

in between by notsogoodphotography

Stress Control for Peace of Mind

Linda Wasmer Andrews

ISBN 0-7607-6468-9

Amazon link

From the introduction: Yellow lights and red flags

Physical signs-headaches-backaches-tight neck and shoulders-jaw pain-heartburn-stomachaches-loss of menstrual periods-lack of sexual desire-constant fatigue-frequent colds

Mental signs-difficulty concentrating-forgetfulness-pessimism-constant worrying-indecisiveness

Emotional signs-irritability-hostility-anger-depression-hopelessness-boredom-loneliness-anxiety-restlessness-panic attacks

Behavioral signs-substance abuse-chain smoking-eating too little or too much-sleeping too little or too much-impatient behavior-temper outbursts-crying-constant rushing-failure to get things done-frequent accidents

Social signs-social isolation-lack of intimacy-conflicts at home or at work-loss of friends-intolerance of others

Spiritual signs-apathy-joylessness-job burnout-feelings of emptiness-loss of direction in life

Please note-Many stress symptoms can also be caused partly or wholly by treatable medical conditions. Be sure to get a checkup by your doctor.

The table of contents:

1. Self-Test
2. How to Stress Less
3. The Seven Tactics
4. Breathing and Meditation
5. Mental Approches
6. Eastern Methods
7. Yoga Methods
8. Exercise and Massage
9. Relaxing Pleasures

10.Coping Strategies

11.Stress Control Exercises

Resources

Index

Stress Control for Peace of Mind is easy to use as the book base is a spiral binding. Also many small thoughts, ideas and suggestions are given on most pages. The photographs showing the exercise processions, massage, and meditation are very helpful.

B

Balanced life–

Balanced life-Part 1

Living a Balanced Life

Booster technique: Hidden meanings and the unresolved past

C

Codependency–

ACOA, Codependency and My Inner Child

Codependency is the Breeding Ground for Addiction

Codependency and PTSD

Codependency Links

In Codependency, Are You Top-Dog?

How I Keep a Check on My Codependency

Creativity–

My Favorite Creativity Quotes

Creativity Links

D

E

Exercise–

Boomer brains need exercise

Growing Your Positive Self from Your Sadness

Emotional Health

The Mind-Body Connection of Emotional Healing

Energy–

Need More Energy?

Coming Alive to all Aspects of Your Life

F

Busy & Stressed? 5 Food Tips for Maximal Brain Performance

G

H

Helping Others

I

J

K

L

M

Mastering your own mind

Mental–

Healing the Mind

Mind-Mapping–

How to Use Mind=Mapping to Enrich Your Life

Mindfulness–

The Mindfulness Approach

N

O

P

Physical relaxation techniques

Q

R

Remember to breathe

S

Spirituality–

Using Spirituality for Change

The business of spirituality

About stress–

Reducing stress proving to prolong life

3 U’s that cause stress (uncertainty, unrealistic expectations, and unresolved conflict)

How you can change your stress level

Using stress as a positive

How you can change your stress level

Stress reduction tips

Effects of stress

T

Stress techniques for patient and physician

U

Using the relaxation response to lessen stress

Understanding stress

8 unconventional ways to de-stress and release tension

V

W

Combating workplace negativity

How to handle work stress

X

Y

Z

Badawn Beach Marina by Steve Conry

Move Your Body Tone Your Mood

Kate F. Hayes

ISBN 1-57224-275-2

Amazon link

Kate Hays has created what she called “the workout therapy wookbook”. In the introduction she requests that you adopt two actions from the beginning: 1) thinking of yourself as an investigator or searcher for truth, and 2) making a commitment to one form of sedentary activity—wring out your thoughts.

The table of contents reveals what this book suggests:

“But I thought therapy was all talk.” How exercise can be your therapy

1) Starting on your path

2) Why exercise is good for your head as well as your heart

3) “What’s in it for me? Getting started doing exercise

4) Designing your exercise plan

How to be therapeutic to yourself through exercise

5) Stress busing and mind calming

6) Getting up when you’re feeling down: overcoming inertia and

And changing your mood

7) Feeling strong and capable: self-esteem and competence
The poetry of the sunrise: clear and creative thinking

“Now what?” Maintaining your gains

9) Keeping going….and getting going again

10)“But it felt so good!”: Overcoming exercise

11)Is food eating you?

12)Being female, being active

Taking a “fearless inventory”: review and reflection

13)When exercise isn’t enough: exercise and therapy

14)A final exercise

El bote y el molino by xfabeiro

In this difficult economy, stress can seem to be overwhelming. The main relaxing position to take is to be sure that you don’t start trying to fix things that aren’t broken. Especially troubling is the inability to control anything except yourself. But this can also be a very liberating position to take. Relax, do the best you can, and then let go. Letting go is the source of energy you will need to solve the next job that comes.

Learn how to take daily mini-vacations. You may like to do them at preconceived times; such as, 10 AM, 2 PM or more often.

More help for your stress:

(1)  Stress at work getting you down? How to manage job burnout from the digerati life uses the burnout definition from the Mayo Clinic: “Burnout is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion caused by long-term exposure to demanding work situations.”

This post reminds us that our life is out of balance. It recommends: exercise, learning how to do deep breathing, treating yourself to time spent with loved ones, changing jobs, learning how to say no, making rational decisions about medication and alcohol,  get a good night’s sleep, eat well, have great sex, and read good books.

(2)  In Are you afraid to say no at work?, Anita Bruzzese helps us begin to understand when saying no is the best job decision we can make. Only you can maintain a healthy work environment for yourself. I think of all our emotional, mental and physical responses as energy. Then I make a decision to use it positively.

Anita lists suggestions for saying no:

Be willing to ask for what you need.

Again use the deep breathing. Deep breathing is my first response when I begin to feel slightly anxious. Take a breath and hold it for 30 seconds–then slowly release the air. After 2 or 3 times, you’ll feel like a new person.

Be sure to make wise time decisions at work.

If your boss asks for a new task on top of others, ask her/him how you should prioritize these. He or she may not realize the others jobs you’re juggling.

Polline Del Fiore by eye-of-einstein

Are you in a rut? If you are experiencing a low period in your life, prepare a list of things to do to get up out of it. Some of the things that help many people are:

(1) Always have a plan for getting out of a rut. Continual stress without relief can easily lead to depression.

(2) Move to another project to work on if the lag is happening at the office,

(3) Take some time to do something creative and fun. Many times, creativity will help lead us back to our joyful, playful inner child.

(4) Call a trusted friend and vent out the feelings. Be careful to do this once so that the venting doesn’t take the place of real action.

(5) If your stuck place has been going on for awhile, consider hiring a life coach . An objective viewpoint will often offer new ideas or ways to change the situation or solve the problem.

(6) Maybe you need a whole day for yourself to do exactly what you’d like to do. Schedule these mini-vacations often to avoid burnout.

(7) Now is the time to schedule more meetings, call some new possible customers, or write a new marketing plan. Get moving!

(8) Maybe you need a physical jolt of exercise. Try a new sport, ride a bike, go swimming, go to the gym—whatever works for you,

(9) Get outside and get reconnected with nature. Smell the air, check out trees, listen to the birds, walk on new streets, go to the beach, or visit a local park.

(10) Have restorative hobbies such as volunteering, gardening, or fishing. Over time, they become welcome friends to return to over and over.

My heart in your hands by aussiegall

When beginning a new job or getting married or other life challenges, extra stress helps to solve these experiences.  But often we experience stress that is non-productive and is robbing us of our energy.

Some and even great stress can be beneficial. The added energy from stress helps us to more to more and better solutions for our lives. Changemaker is aimed toward finding the repetitive non-productive stress that robs you of energy.

Since stress has been found to contribute to most of human illnesses, Changemaker encompasses mental, physical, emotional, behavioral, social and spiritual reduction techniques.

Your mind, body and emotions either work together to help you experience your life more fully or are each using energy in avoiding behaviors. The way to control your life is to control your thoughts and your words. So many of the techniques you will learn from Changemaker will introduce you to ways to stop over-reacting or avoiding behaviors.

When we were children, we often had to learn self-defeating or self-limiting behavior to appease our authority figures. Many parents confuse discipline with punishment. To avoid punishment, we often learn ways of avoidance or delay that rob us of our true being. So in continuing these behaviors we are using our energy non-productively.

We tell our bodies how healthy we want to be by the choices we make in using our energy. The Changemaker goal is for you to learn how to tell your body that you want to be completely healthy. By learning how to reframe your thoughts in order to choose positive thoughts, you are telling your emotions that you want to be healthy.

By learning convenient and easy ways to exercise, you are telling your body that you want to be healthy. By learning how to incorporate meditation, relaxation, visualization, and other coping techniques, we tell our minds and our soul that we want to be healthy.

You can learn all these techniques by using the Changemaker Blogs. Each blog is about an individual topic that you may choose to focus on.  If you’d like to find out what directions you may like to explore, you may choose to email us at changemaker.kathy@gmail.com.

Stress should lead you to exercise–

“Take a Break! A few quick tips -”

“Get up out of your chair or leave your workbench and walk over to an open window. Change your point-of-view. Breathe some fresh air. Go for a five-minute walk, either in the corridors of your building or out-of-doors. Call a friend and chat for five minutes. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and take an imaginary vacation – relaxing on a warm beach, deep-sea fishing on a beautiful yacht, or skiing down a gorgeous mountain.”

“These short, focused breaks can help reduce muscular tightness and physical stress, and also help your brain recharge so you can be more creative and productive!”

Making stress a positive:

“How to transform anxiety into something productive and positive? Here are some suggestions:”

1. Simplify everything you can. Pare down and get down to the bare bones in life. Eliminate as much of the “fluff” as you can.
2. Keep a complete calendar and list of everything you have to do and all appointments. Trying to carry all this information around in your head adds to frustration and a “muddled” feeling. Let it go, get it out of your brain, and record it somewhere else!
3. Relax when you feel stressed. Make a conscious effort to take deep breaths and physically relax your body.

Sunset at West Bay Beach by Adal-honduras

The Little Book of Letting Go: A Revolutionary 30-Day Program to Cleanse Your Mind, Lift Your Spirit, and Replenish Your Soul

Hugh Prather

ISBN: 157324-503-8

Amazon link

Hugh Prather and his wife, Gayle, have been sharing their spirituality for almost 40 years. He is the resident minister at St. Francis in the Foothills United Methodist Church in Tucson, Arizona.

The contents include sections for letting go of: problems, fear of letting go, worry, our first reaction, motivation through crisis, money anxiety and travel worries, anticipated and unanticipated emotions, victim-perception, word magic, stories, neglect, fear of happiness, t-thoughts; I, me, and mine; outcomes, relationship battles you aren’t having, useless blocks to relationship, sticky thoughts, gloom, rigid responses and limited answers, “turning it over”, scattered thinking, blame and damage, body thoughts, t-thoughts, spiritual attainment, “higher” path, “spiritual” laws of success, our personal struggle.

From letting go: the basics:

“Within the human heart, we all feel the call to be simple, to be present, to be real. Yet throughout the day, the world urges us to be at war with ourselves and each other” “Be resentful about the past.” “Be anxious about the future.” “Be hungry for what you don’t see.”

“Be dissatisfied with what you do see.” “Be guilty.” “Be important.”

“Be bored.” “Be right.” Little else in nature exhibits this need to be more that it is. The simplicity of rain, the clarity of a star, the effortlessness of s bird, the single-mindedness of an ant—all are just what they are.”

From letting of problems:

“To “become like a little child” is merely to relinquish our need to judge all things, change all things, and be right on all occasions. This removes the blocks we put on our capacity to enjoy, or at least to be still and at peace.”

“There are only three things you need to let go: judging, controlling, and being right. Release these three and you will have the whole mind and twinkly heart of a child.”

Prather defines t-thoughts as a core belief that we developed at some point in our lives, usually doing our formative lives, that now stands in the way of our experiencing unity and peace. When something happens during the day to trigger a t-thought, it automatically clicks on, like a tape or a computer program. If we are not aware of its activity, the set of emotions it produces controls our decisions and outlook. (page 95)

From letting go of t-thoughts:

“There is no way to perfect egos. Nor is there any reason to. Why would you want to perfect an imaginary playmate? Would that get rid of it? Certainly not. Likewise, there is no need to make a project of your ego and attempt to perfect an imaginary identity. Just seeing it clearly will show you that you don’t want it; don’t need it; and don’t have to fear it.”

Boundary Waters by Steve Conry

Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions

Thich Nhat Hanh

ISBN 1-59448-134-2

Amazon link

Taming the Tiger Within is a book of statements or thoughts mainly based on dealing with the big two of difficult emotions: fear and anger.

It is divided into these two sections:

Part 1 From Anger to Compassion

1. Recognition
2. Care of Anger
3. Mindfulness of Others

Part 2 No Birth, No Death: From Fear to Love

1. Fear and Time
2. Finding Refuge, Knowing Freedom
3. The Love That Springs From Insight

This book is a collection of single page thoughts designed to help someone in choosing to use the energy of anger in a more positive way.

1) Recognition “If you get angry easily, it may be because the seed of anger in you has been watered frequently over many years, and unfortunately you have allowed it or even encouraged it to be watered.”

2) Care of Anger “When the mother embraces her baby, her energy penetrates him and soothes him. This is exactly what you have to learn to do when anger begins to surface. You have to abandon everything that you are doing, because your most important task is to go back to yourself and take care of your baby, your anger. Nothing is more urgent than taking good care of your baby.” “Every time you feel lost, alienated, or cut off from life, or from the world, every time you feel despair, anger, or instability, practice going home. Mindful breathing is the vehicle that you use to go back to your true home.”

3) Mindfulness of Others “If your house is on fire, the most urgent thing to do is to go back and try to put out the fire, not to run after the person you believe to be the arsonist. If you run after the person you suspect has burned your house, your house will burn down while you are chasing him or her. That is not the action of a wise person. You must go back and put out the fire. When you are angry, if you continue to interact with or argue with the other person, if you try to punish him or her, you are acting exactly like someone who runs after the arsonist while their home goes up in flames.” “Compassion is a beautiful flower born of understanding. When you get angry with someone, practice breathing in and out mindfully. Look deeply into the situation to see the true nature of your own and the other person’s suffering, and you will be liberated.”

4) Fear and Time “We cannot enjoy life if we spend a lot of time worrying about what happened yesterday and what will happen tomorrow. We worry about tomorrow because we are afraid. If we are afraid all the time, we cannot appreciate that we are alive and can be happy now.”

5) Finding Refuge, Knowing Freedom “To meditate means to be invited on a journey of looking deeply in order to touch our true nature and to recognize that nothing is lost.”

6) The Love That Springs from Insight “Allow yourself to be a torch, and allow the flame of your touch to be transmitted to other torches. Practicing like that, you can help peace and joy grow in the entire world.”

Some excerpts from the book:

“If you get angry easily, it may be because the seed of anger in you has been watered frequently over many years, and unfortunately you have allowed it or even encouraged it to be watered.”

“If you see elements of garbage in you, such as fear, despair, and hatred, don’t panic. As a good organic gardener, a good practitioner, you can face this: I recognize that there is garbage in me. I am going to transform this garbage into nourishing compost that can make love reappear.” ”

“When we embrace anger and take good care of our anger, we obtain relief. We can look deeply into it and gain new insights. One of the first insights may be that the seed of anger in us has grown too big, and is the main cause of our misery. As we begin to see the reality, we realize that the other person, whom our anger is directed at, is only a secondary cause. The other person is not the real cause of our anger.”

“If your house is on fire, the most urgent thing to do is to go back and try to put out the fire, not to run after the person you believe to be the arsonist. If you run after the person you suspect has burned your house, your house will burn down while you are chasing him or her. That is no the action of a wise person. You must go back and put out the fire. When you are angry, if you continue to interact with or argue with the other person, if you try to punish him or her, you are acting exactly like someone who runs after the arsonist while their home goes up in flames.”

Tags: anger, emotions, fear, love, meditations

Parragon Publishing

Blue-throated Macaws by Dave-F

ISBN 1-4542-216-5

Amazon link

This guide has four main sections: pilates, yoga, meditation and stress relief. Following are an excerpt from each section:

1) Pilates: “Pilates exercises have been designed to work the muscles of the body as efficiency as possible in the minimum time. These low-impact exercises treat the body as a whole and are very effective. There is therefore no need to spend hours each day at the gym: you need to practice only two to three times a week, and can start with 10-minute sessions and build up to longer ones slowly.”

Included in the pilates section are guidance in correct breathing, how pilates works, what to wear, learning how to center the body, the importance of good posture, getting into motion exercises, standing and sitting exercises, and exercises on a mat.

2) Yoga: “By allocating time every day to a sequence of yoga postures, you can help to purge the mind and body, and achieve a state of deep relaxation. This can result in greater self-esteem, because you will have a sense of achievement and an inner calm that will help to dispel the worries of the day. The deep breathing and physical exercise required for yoga will help you to deal with a raft of complaints, such as pain of the joints and muscles, anxiety, stress, postural problesm, and bowel tone and function problems.”

Included in the yoga section are the five principles of yoga (relaxation, exercise, breath control, a nourishing diet, and positive thinking and meditation). Also added are guidelines for practicing yoga, the seven chakras of the astral body, yogic breathing, warming up exercises, the standing postures, seated exercises, improving focus with the balancing postures, opening the heart and strengthening the back, and the inverted postures.

3) Meditation: “There is no doubt that the mind’s ability to analyze, discriminate, plan and communicate has helped us reach where we are today. Yet it can be a double-edged sword. Although the brain may help us to reason, to think creatively, and to relate to others, if we don not learn to switch it off it can overwhelm us. It can persecute us with fears about failure, our appearance, or the opinions others may have of us. Meditation can bring relief from those anxieties by helping us to silence inner chatter, to recognize and dismiss negative thoughts, and to create a feeling of peace and serenity.”

Included in the meditation section are suggestions for finding time to meditate, preparing to meditate, postures and breathing, relaxation, affirmations, mantras, standing and walking meditation, the chakras, visualization, meditation for healing, color and light, the power of sound, and meditations for stressful situations.

4) Stress relief: “For long-term stress relief and optimum well-being you need periods of mental and physical relaxation throughout the day. Relaxation is a set of easily learned skills that will teach you how to combat the effects of stress and restore the balance between body and mind to enable healthy, happy living.”

Included in the stress relief section are a strategy for relaxation, relaxing your body, breathing, reducing muscle tension, massage, restoring vital energy, relaxing mind and spirit, meditation, visualization, hypnotherapy, self-hypnosis, autogenic training, biofeedback, improving self-worth, setting goals, going with the flow, living for the moment, positive commuting, freedom from fear, relationships, diet, exercise, the world of work, relaxing at home, the world around you, getting a good night’s sleep, and natural remedies for relaxation.

Tags: breathing, chakras, exercises, meditation, pilates, relaxation, self-esteem, serenity, stress relief, yoga