Category Archives: Recovery
My Recovery Journey Has Changed Over the Years
In 1976, when I came to AA, there were few female members. In my 3rd month of recovery, I had a profound spiritual experience which I have related in other posts. I quickly learned to shut up about God as many members wanted to talk about alcohol only. Being female and a God person almost insured that I wouldn’t have a lot of group acceptance.
The focus for my recovery took a profound change in direction when I discovered ACOA. I have never “forgot” that I am first and foremost an alcoholic and am deeply grateful to be in recovery. Nor have I ever considered myself as recovered. Why change something that works for me? But ACOA gave me permission to not only feel my feelings but also to talk about them.
ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) has gone through several name changes. In 1977, (one year after the beginning of my recovery in 1976), a group of Al-Anon members realized that they were all children of alcoholics. In later years, ACOA became ACA and/or COA.
Up until 1983, any Al-Anon meeting I attended was to help heal that child inside me who grew up in a very troubled family. But when I shared at Al-Anon meetings about my alcoholism, I felt a subtle change in the group of some members feeling that I didn’t belong in an Al-Anon meeting.
In ACOA or ACA meetings, I immediately knew that I belonged because they talked about feelings. I continued to be completely committed to my recovery with AA groups. But the AA groups were male-dominated groups whose members seemed to be proud of how far they had fallen to their bottoms. So I started attending ACOA and Codependents Anonymous as well as AA.I probably didn’t win any friends by reminding everyone in AA that you don’t have to be hit by a train to hear the whistle blowing.
Some links for your recovery journey:
From Syd--one of my favorite bloggers: “If you attend an open AA meeting”:
“I have attended open AA meetings since I began Al-Anon. I was encouraged to go to open meetings to hear the stories of alcoholics and to better understand the disease. These open meetings remind me that hope never dies; that sobriety is possible; and that in many ways, we share the same fears. And every single speaker I hear says they wanted recovery for themselves, not because they were being nagged by a family member.”
“The two programs were closely allied in their origins and are naturally drawn together by their family ties. Yet the Twelve Traditions emphasize that each works more effectively if it remains separate. Thus, there can be no combining, joining, or uniting which would result in the loss of identity of either fellowship. Separateness rules out affiliation or merging, but it does not exclude cooperation with AA or acting together for mutual benefit.”
“Some of the open AA meetings I attend are speaker meetings where I get to hear someone’s “story” of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. The first open AA meeting I attended was a speaker meeting. I was so moved by what I heard that I developed a great awe for the miracles that can occur in recovery. I was moved in that meeting to tears. There was no blaming of the family, just a focus on their recovery through the steps. I realized then the power of those steps because if they could help someone who was in such dire circumstances with alcoholism, then they surely could help me.”
“When I go to open Big Book studies or open discussion meetings, I know to not share but say that I am a grateful member of Al-Anon who is there to listen. I learned that at AA meetings, even open ones, it is only appropriate for alcoholics (or people there because of their own drinking problem) to share (unless specifically asked to be a speaker). The primary purpose is for alcoholics to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. I can’t do that from my non-alcoholic perspective. It would be equally inappropriate for an alcoholic who isn’t affected by someone else’s drinking to share at an Al-Anon meeting. Or for a friend, who is along to just lend moral support, to share.”
Serenity Prayer and Links
The following definition of the serenity prayer is taken from Wikipedia–
“The Serenity Prayer is the common name for an originally untitled prayer written by the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in the 1930s or early 1940s.
Niebuhr seems to have written the prayer for use in a sermon, perhaps as early as 1934 (the date given in Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, 16th edn., ed. Justin Kaplan, 1992, p. 684), perhaps in the early 1940s.
Elisabeth Sifton’s book The Serenity Prayer (2003) quotes this version as the authentic original:
“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”
The earliest verifiable printed texts so far discovered are an approximate version (apparently quoted from memory) in a query in the “Queries and Answers” column in The New York Times Book Review, July 12, 1942, p. 23, which asks for the author of the quotation; and a reply in the same column in the issue for August 2, 1942, p. 19, where the quotation is attributed to Niebuhr and an unidentified printed text is quoted as follows:
“O God and Heavenly Father,
Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; the courage to change that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.”
The prayer became widely known when it was adopted in modified form by Alcoholics Anonymous; an AA magazine, The AA Grapevine, identified Niebuhr as the author (January 1950, pp. 6-7), and the AA web site continues to identify Niebuhr as the author.”
Links for serenity:
1. From Through an Al-Anon Filter: “Acceptance”:
“So, back to the train station of our minds – we can stand back from the platform’s edge, and watch the trains come in – where’s this one going? High-speed train to anger and frustration, no stops along the way; think I’ll wait for a later one. Here comes a poky old steam train going to serenity and peace, with many stops to allow others to board, takes a scenic route - this train I’m going to ride.”
2, From Sober Nuggets: “affirmation”:
“ I know that for me, I must find peace and serenity (especially in the face of difficulties and challenges/opportunities). I didn’t come to A.A. to be miserable, I came because I already was miserable. If I were still miserable, I’d more than likely find myself drinking and drugging again. It has been years (thank God) since I’ve come to meetings in order to avoid drinking or drugging. Now I come to meetings to maintain some sense of balance and serenity in my life.”
“Today, I ask God for guidance in all I do, try to see His Grace in my life and then live it out. I’ll ask again later and probably again after that because I am a “slow learner and a fast forgetter.” Today I know God is with me, through the Holy Spirit, through the people I encounter and in the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I merely need to remain open to His will, willing to do it and honest about myself and my motives.”
3. From Being Sober: “Sunday Morning Meeting”:
“I used to say that I never stole anything – then I realized that when I was drinking I had stolen my family’s peace of mind. I try to make sure I never do that again – at least not needlessly.”"It is a gift from God to be sober. I need to appreciate that every day. The best way to show my gratitude is with a little bit of care and feeding.”
