By Schristia

These are the techniques I use to take charge of my mind and redirect it into helping me with my life.

1)  Retrain the brain–

Our subconscious mind is estimated to be 90% of our total brain power. Yet many of us don’t know how to get our subconscious mind involved in getting our dreams changed to reality.

The subconscious can only create what we each create in our mind. Oftentimes, we express what we want in a wish and not as a command. By learning how to use the power of our subconscious mind, we can help make our dreams come true.

If you are allowing your mind or brain to run your life, you are using 10% of your resources. The conscious mind can best be used as the executor of your subconscious mind—the other 90% of your resources.

The group therapy techniques that I have found to be the most effective for learning how to retrain your brain is cognitive (thoughts)-behavioral (actions)–cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). The first main learning I had was in what is called cognitive restructuring. Simply put, I had to relearn how to think. I learned how to be what I call my observer self.

I never realized that my way of thinking everything was a major disaster was contributing to my life’s disasters. In other words, I was creating the drama and not just reacting to it. So I learned that if I created the drama, I could uncreate it. The simple technique I used was to shout “Stop!” at my obsessive thinking. Scream it loud enough and you tend to get your own attention.

I learned that my mind was out to get me–or, at the very least, my mind was out to control me. I think that I was addicted to feeling bad. The main reward from negative thinking is low expectations of ourselves. If you think you’re not worth much, you don’t have to do much.

2)  Flipping the switch–

Flipping the switch is what I call shifting your point of view. The two points of view that I am currently choosing between are scarcity thinking and prosperity thinking—the old glass half-empty or half full. The mind creates whatever thoughts we focus on. If I focus on what I don’t have instead of what I do have, I am in scarcity mode.

One of my favorite teachers for the prosperity thinking is Catherine Ponder. She was a Unity Church minister who wrote in 1958 a great book, The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity. The book was written via a series of sermons during a recession. She established her belief in prosperity being available to everyone by teaching that the Bible teaching of “not serving God and Mammon” was right. This teaching meant not worshiping wealth but to always recognize who the Giver is.

She was the first I knew who recognized that the brain works by the mental images we produce. She also believed in projected positive images to others so that they can prosper also. With prosperity thinking, you focus on what is and what can be added to the wealth you already possess. I think of it as pyramid. At the base of the pyramid, I have the love of the God of my understanding, my health, my husband, my dog, my loved ones, my business, my home, my computers, the Internet, my spiritual program, my experiences, my plants, the canals, etc.

She also taught one of the spiritual laws I believe—giving away surplus to make room for new. When my cup is full, I have to empty it to get more. So it is with possessions, love, experiences, etc. I have to make room for the new.

3)  Healing our inner critic–

Our self-image is formed by allowing ourselves to be influenced by various authority figures. As we mature and accept the responsibility of defining ourselves, these internalized voices of authority must each be examined and evaluated. It is only when we take back our own power to define ourselves that we are truly free.

Our conscious mind is where thoughts are formed. Our subconscious mind is where our creative mind takes root. As we learn to harness the vast power and energy of the subconscious mind, we are tapping into our real source.

Transactional analysis therapists estimate that we each have 25,000 hours of internalized negative self-talk. We are generally taught what is wrong with us by our authority figures at home, school, church, etc. In an effort to understand who we are, we accept these self-limiting labels as who we are. However, we each individually are the only one who can truly “know” who we are, or, at least, we are in the best position to make the best educated guess. Learn to challenge the “voices” (one of friends called them “the committee”) or negative self-talk you carry around in your head. Listen to what you tell yourself about you.

In learning to monitor your inner critic, learn to first determine if the criticism is helpful. If you find the suggestion to be helpful, next check to see if the inner critic is kind, gentle, and polite to you. If it is in a condemning voice, ask you inner critic to speak kinder to you.

The techniques you may use to change your inner critic from enemy to friend are: speed up the volume, mimic a falsetto voice, etc. My favorite ploy when I was learning this was to scream “Stop”. It is better to practice these techniques while alone. As someone has suggested—learn to join the airwaves until you own the station.

Self-esteem comes from how we evaluate and accept or reject input as well as the foundation we’ve created from the successes we’ve experienced. By learning to focus on our strengths rather than on our weaknesses, we have each take charge of our own destiny.

After learning how to utilize our inner critic, we next need to take charge of our thoughts. What we choose to focus our thinking on determines what we will think and feel about ourselves. You are what you think you are. By substituting positive self-talk for negative self-talk, we are re-programming ourselves for positive action.

By vl8189

No one else can make anyone feel anything, everything we feel is our choice. If we are choosing to continue in relationships, jobs, or situations that contribute to our feelings of negativity, we need to ask ourselves why we aren’t choosing to be happy. Happiness is a choice. With the choosing of happiness comes the responsibility to give up self-destructive patterns. Learn to distinguish what you like and what you don’t like.

The healing principle is that as we believe we will get better, we will get better. But choices have to be made. You can’t hold on to misery with one hand and reach for happiness with the other. As the trapeze artist lets go of one bar before she grasps the next one, so also must we give up misery for happiness.

Other methods to increase our self-esteem are (1) set goals from the dreams we have of what we would like to have in our lives, (2) learn to take risks in all areas of your life, and (3) develop a clear-cut precise schedule adding physical, mental, and spiritual healthy activities to our weekly life.

In developing positive self-talk, affirmations and guided imagery may be used. Remember our subconscious mind doesn’t know if something has happened already or is to happen in the future. Only the conscious mind knows time.

Therefore, don’t implant wishes or doubts with words like maybe or is or I hope. Use action positive words such as I am, I enjoy, I believe, I want, etc. Trust your subconscious to lead you to your “higher self”.

Develop an attitude of being gentle with yourself. Learn to recognize that the source of uncomfortable feelings is that we have added some degree of judgment to the future. The pain we feel is fear which is the withholding of love. The withholding hurts us as well as the person we’re “punishing”.

So all hatred is self-hatred first. It begins inside us and is projected outward. As we learn our loveability, we see the love in others. As we love ourselves, we project the love to others. As we love ourselves, we project to others. We confuse the giving of loving with the power of others. If I love someone who chooses not to love me, have I lost anything? If I choose to not love another and feel that hatred pass through me, have I gained anything? Who is the loser when I choose not to love?

We each have life issues that periodically disrupt our patterns. Knowing our issues helps us to accept the lessons quicker by spending less time in denial of them. Some of these issues may be: accepting our feelings, labeling our feelings, control, boundaries, intimacy, commitment, conflict, trust, authority figures, etc.

Likewise, we each are a collection of selves: (1) child, (2) adolescent, (3) teenager, (4) young adult, and possibly, (5) an older adult. Periodically, we need to “step back” emotionally and observe our own behavior in order to understand the behavior choices we are making.

In learning to check in with ourselves, we come to accept that just as we may be coming from several different vantage points from within ourselves, so also are all the other persons we encounter whether they are aware of their vantage points or not.

stillness of nature by alicepopkorn

I am beginning to see that all my troubles have their root in a habitual and absolute dependence upon my personal prestige, security, and romantic attachment. When these things go wrong, there is depression. Now this absolute dependence upon people and situations for emotional security is, I think, the immense and devastating fallacy that makes us miserable. This craving for such dependencies, this utter dependence upon people and situations, can only lead to conflict. Both on the surface and at depth. We are making demands on circumstances and people that are bound to fail us. The only safe and sure channel of absolute dependence is upon God himself.
-Bill Wilson, Letter, April, 1953

Depression has been called the common cold of mental health. Most people will experience some variety of depression. Those who experiences these feelings yo a lesser degree will be convinced that all people can shake off these feelings. But there are many depths to the misery of depression. I always advise that if you have any thoughts of suicide reach out to someone to tell them of your discomfort. If the person you reach ot to you seems to be dismissing your words, seek out someone else. Call a suicide help line if needed. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, http://suicidehotlines.net/, or http://hopeline.com/.

Are Antidepressants For You?

An Evolving View of Depression

The Signs of Depression and What You Can Do About Them

“Psychotherapy Works” is Still News to Many

An Evolving View of Depression

Spelunker

Anxiety and Depression Help: 4 Effective Treatments

What do you call a group of fish? by kdinuraj

After my two years with clinical depression, I finally understood that I needed medical attention. Although I have always looked for help, I generally have had to be self-diagnosed. Most medical doctors don’t recognize depression in their patients. If a patient says that s/he is depressed, many times the doctor will ask the patient if they need medication. This turning the diagnosis over to the patient doesn’t happen in most of fields of medicine.

I think the difficulty for doctors is caused by patients seeking drugs for an escape from reality rather than for the need of chemical imbalance. The other large difficulty for medicating mental problems is the fact that it may take several different prescriptions to find the right anti-depression (anxiety, etc.) drug to work for each patient. this slows down the rapid delivery system of getting medications to heal all as we have become a nation of “instant fixes”. This selection of drugs is difficult as any of the drugs for mental illness take 4-6 weeks to be effective in the system.So if one doesn’t work, the next one prescribed will be 4-6 weeks also. The patient feels that the doctor doesn’t know what she/he is doing so many times the patient returns to the self-medication he/she has found to work.

So most of the population who suffer from a chemical imbalance continue to be self-medicated (alcohol, other drugs, sex, work, food, etc.

Caught in the web? You need help, not labels by Todd Essig

Get help from Mental Health America

Mental Health Help

Mental help net community

Internet mental health has a self-diagnosis section

peace by alicepopkorn

“A veritable gold mine of possibilies is hidden within each of us—aptitudes , attitudes, characteristics, and traits that once may have been conscious, but for some reason slipped away or were pushed away into our unconscious. In addition, there is great potential within each of us that has never had the opportunity to see the light of day.”

William A. Miller

Change Your Mindset to Improve Your Productivity

How to Design Your Ideal Life

How to Stop Your Thoughts From Making You Depressed

10 Secrets for Instant Self-Confidence

Six Green Ideas for Beating Winter Blahs

How to Use Color to Enhance Your Designs

7 tips for Making the Most Online Support Groups

Use Your Mind to Get You Moving: 6 Energizing Exercise Motivation Techniques

11 Tips for the Spouse With a Lower Sex Drive

Action Beats Inaction

take it all in by notsogoodphotography

Addiction Help-How does the Recovering Addict or Alcoholic Generate Healthy Self Esteem?

Are You Looking for Trouble

Art of Attention: Breathing for Healing Sleep

Attitude is Everything

B

Being Nice to Yourself Increases Creativity

Believe in You

Be Nice to Yourself

Best Yoga Exercise for Weight Loss

C

D

Detoxifying Your Life

Diary of an Insomniac: How I Survived the Wee Hours

The Day Simplifiers-10 Fabulous Motivators That Inspire You to Take Action Part IV

Diet and Exercise for People Who Don’t Diet or Exercise

Disorderly Conduct: An Epidemic of Antisocial Children

Don’t Panic

E

F

Foods to Beat the Winter Blues

Fostering an Atmosphere of Forgiveness

Fourteen Tips for Getting More Sleep-and Why It Matters

G

Get Outdoors with Weekend Sherpa!

Go to Your Happy Place

Go Within Mind Map

H

The Habit Change Cheatsheet: 29 Ways to Successfully Ingrain a Behavior

Habituating to the Feeling of Drowning

Handling Abandonment: Part 2

How Not to Hurry

How the Navy Seals Increased Passing Rates

How to Become a Power User of Your Brain: Part 1

How to be Inspired Every Day

How to Build the Confidence Habit

How to Create the Habit of Daily Meditation

How to Get Moving

How to practice mindfulness meditation

I

Impatient, ACOA, self sabotage, afraid they won’t be able to think

The Internal Dialogue: Mastering the Unseen Forces That Shape Our Destiny

Is Anger a Problem for You or Someone You Love?

J

K
20 Key Questions on Motivation and Habits, Answered

L

Learn the Art of Following Through: 5 Steps to Ensure You Will Achieve Your Goals

Lessons Learned from Tony Robbins

31 Lessons on Personal Effectiveness by Brian Tracy

Letter from Paris: A Mother’s Comfort

The Little Rules of Action

M

Meditation Made Easy

Moods: The Color of Life

N

Nature Solutions to Sleep Deprivation

O

7 Office Depression Busters: Tips for Work Depression

Our Barriers to Love: Monday’s Mindful Quote from Rumi

Outflank Your Own Resistances to Change

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4 Parenting Strategies for Difficult Days

Procrastination and Other Everyday Passive Aggressive Techniques

Q

R

The Resolution Retreat

S

Self Care is Essential-Part Two

Self-control: When optimism is self-defeating

Self-Liberation: Liberation of Self or Liberation from an Illusion of Self?

Self-Promotion for Introverts

Shyness or Social Anxiety Limiting Your Work Performance and Career Success? 9 Powerful Coping Tips

Shutting Off My Brain-Part 4

Silence

Sleep Advice: 5 Foods to Help You Snooze

Sleeping Enough is More Important Than Early-Rising

The Serious Pursuit of Fun

Sound It Out

Sport: Finding Your Prime Intensity

Sports: Prime Confidence

The Staff of Mindfulness

28 steps to a positive and successful life

Stop Complaining and Start Gaining

Stop Using Guilt as a Motivation Tactic

Stress Could Be Affecting the Way You Eat: What’s Your Eating Habit?

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The Yoga of Eating: Holding the Edge

This Day Only (Just for Today)

Thought Commentary

Three reasons why mindfulness meditation helps relationships

Three Things That Sound Bad But Can Actually Be Good for You

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V

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Want Cheese With That Whine? Transform Negative Self-Talk

12 Ways to be Thankful

The Weed-Free Sanctuary Garden

What Hidden Emotional Anchors are Holding You Back?

Will Positive Psychology Save Our Soldiers?

Winding Down

Work Happiness Tip–Buy a Plant

X

Y

You Can Let Go of Negative Self-Judgments

Your all-or-nothing attitude will bring all stress and no progress

Your Parental Permission Slip

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Waikiki Sunset by v stamey

Of all the techniques that I’ve used since 1976, the following eight techniques have been my basic mainstay for my mental health:

1. Upon awakening, recite or write a gratitude list. Always begin with the gift of breath. Without breath, we’d have no life. My spirit is so
rebellious at times that many days my gratitude list included only my breath. But having gratitude for even one thing was a growth from having no gratitude. Do 5 minutes of deep breathing-relish the feeling good lungs gives you.

2. Living with a positive mind is a continual discipline. Remember your thoughts are your choice. You need to learn to tune in to your thoughts. If you are thinking negative, you’re feeling negative. Is anything getting better with the choice of negativity?  Be careful not to condemn or judge yourself as these choices are negative also.

Learn how to get a check on the committee of voices that live in your head. Become your “observer self “when you are feeling negative. Change your thoughts and change your feelings.

3. Exercising your body daily for 30-60 minutes. The exercise can be divided into segments but it generally takes 20 minutes of exercise to change your level of metabolism.

4. The type or kind of food you eat isn’t as important as the portion. Count the calories or guess at the total calories involved. Use a small plate at every meal as a way to keep a check on the quantity of food eaten.

5. Help others every day. When I started this practice, I made it a rule to call 3 people that I ordinarily wouldn’t call in order to monitor my motives in helping others. My condition for myself on these calls was that the help had to be only for them and couldn’t include anything I might want from them for myself.

6. Spend some quality time with yourself enjoying or discovering your personality. This practice can be added to your meditation daily as you ask the God of your understanding to guide you.

7. As you let go of judgment, you learn to love yourself. Anyone else that you tear down, tears you down, too. Use the mental picture of throwing mud and notice that you get dirty. As Maya Angelou reminds us, “We did the best we could, and when we knew better, we did better.”

8. Begin acquiring books that are easy to pick up and review. Each day choose one section of a book to reflect on for the rest of the day. Even if you just have time to copy down a sentence, it will give you a path of self-improvement to follow.

After the Storm by Iragerich

The narcissist is a person who either because of childhood neglect or abuse never learned to grow beyond that stage in childhood where the ego needs constant and continual praise and/or attention. The narcissist may or may not be anti-social.

The anti-social personality has these symptoms from the age of 15 years (from Wikipedia):

“There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and the rights of others occurring since the age of 15, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:^[1]

1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;

2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;

3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;

4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;

5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others;

6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;

7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.”

Although I have been interested and reading about personality development since college (1958-1962), I never had consciously studied personality disorders. Imagine my surprise to find that I had been married to one for 15 years. The way I discovered this was doing the 5th step about my marriage during my 32nd year of recovery (2009).

The 5th step is from AA and all 12 step groups. It is:

“Admitted to God, to myself, and to another person the exact nature of my wrongs.”

The key words for me about my marriage and my taking the 5th step are “my wrongs”.

So, I was married to an anti-social person who drank alcohol everyday, and I was completely blindsided By his choosing to find a new  audience. I shouldn’t have been because for narcissists and anti-social personalities the only important emotion you must have to be with them is admiration. I had stopped admiring.

What did I do to maintain this relationship? I was dishonest about my “admiration” of him. I had quit admiring him years ago. I am amazed that we lasted this long. What did I get out of this union? Security—not really. Appreciation—not often. Affection—almost never. Friendship—no. But I did get the one thing I needed—rejection.

I call the part of my mind that keeps a watchful eye over my mental choices my “observer self”  because I have learned how to “set back mentally” and learn what thoughts I am allowing to control me.  What thoughts am I allowing to dominate my consciousness?

The learning of what we are choosing to think about takes some practice, but you are really not in control of your life until you do it. It is only after becoming aware the direction of our thoughts that we can learn to stop negative thoughts. Many people believe that they have no control over their own minds. They think this because they haven’t found their observer self.

It may be easier to think of this as getting control of your subconscious mind or learning to listen to the “little voice inside your head”.

Some posts to help you with this mental learning are:

(1)  How to Control Your Subconscious Mind

(2)  Learn to Take Control of Your Mind

(3)  How to Reprogram Your Mind for Success

(4)  Thoughts and Peace of Mind

Orange-Pear Biter

Transactional analysis is the method I used to identify what the committee in my head was saying to me. I found that I was using two ego states: spoiled brat and punishing parent. No wonder I was miserable. Transactional analysis helps you to define your inner child, inner parent, and inner adult.

Business Balls defines the three roles (called ego states) as:

1.  Parent–

Physical – angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronizing gestures,

Verbal – always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronizing language, posturing language.

N.B. beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear ‘Parental’.

2.  Child–

Physical – emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal – baby talk, I wish, I don’t know, I want, I’m going to, I don’t care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

3.  Adult–

Physical – attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal – why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realize, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

Modern developments for TA has been defined by several people—Claude Steiner is a recognized leader. Business balls gives these definitions:

Parent is now commonly represented as a circle with four quadrants:

Nurturing – Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).

Controlling – Structuring (positive) and Critical (negative).

Child is now commonly represented as circle with four quadrants:

Adapted – Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative).

Free – Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).

Adult remains as a single entity, representing an ‘accounting’ function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.

A more complex and complete definition of the modern TA theory is written by Claude Steiner. He does a great job of including the evolution of ideas for this counseling method.

A quite clever diagram at changingminds.org shows the interactions of the parent, child and adult. The roles pictured here are: controlling parent (Do this. Stop that), nurturing parent (It’s OK), adult, adaptive child (No. Please), natural child (Whee. Wah!), the little professor (let’s try), and my favorite role (creative-‘free child’).

Further reading about Transactional Analysis:

A Compilation of Core Concepts

Key Ideas Summary

Transactional Analysis Student—the study and training aids for trainee psychotherapists and counselors

TA Tudor includes a study guide for the TA 101 course and also has 400+ handouts