Category Archives: Addiction
Dealing with alcoholism and depression means needing a different path than only doing the Twelve Steps for recovery. I don’t believe that my core issues can be solved by the Twelve Steps of any self-help group.
Having grownup in a home controlled by alcoholism, I was able to see my addiction very early into the disease. Thanksgiving, 1976, I told my family that I thought I was an alcoholic. I fully expected everyone to disagree with me because I had not had any outward signs. But, my mother said that she had been afraid of that. So I was stuck with the admission and being the “perfect daughter”, I never drank again and went to AA.
My third month into recovery, I had a radical conversion as described by William James in his The Varieties of Religious Experience. It was instant and I call it ‘”the moment that changed my life.” So I have been trying since 1977 to hear what God’s will is for my life. Many days I have followed my will and called it His. But there has been progress, too.
Our core issues in recovery for those of us who lived in a family of “don’t ask–don’t tell” include the following:
1. From Want to Know.Info: “Transform Fear Through Core Issue Work”:
“Most of us have one or more core issues or challenges which surface repeatedly over the course of our lives. These issues are usually rooted in deep unexpressed fears. Depending on your perspective, core issues either cause all sorts of problems, or present many opportunities for transformation. When you choose to look at core issues as an opportunity, you are much more likely to transform your fears into learning tools which lead to a better life. Below are the most common core issues, their related fears, and suggestions for dealing with them.”
“Examples of Common Core Issues and Associated Fears”
- Abandonment – Nobody cares about me. I’m all alone. I don’t matter.
- Arrogance – I’m better than all of you. I’m too much. I’m right and you’re wrong.
- Damaged – Something is wrong with me. I’m a failure. I’m damaged.
- Inferiority – I’m not good enough. I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I’m boring. I’m hopeless.
- Rejection – I’m a burden. I’m unwanted. Nobody wants to spend time with me.
- Shame – I’m bad. I’m evil. I’m a mistake. I’m a monster. I’m disgusting. I’m possessed.
“Our core issues often originate from childhood family scenarios. They can be a result of negative messages that were repeated many times to us by our parents or other significant people in our lives. Or one of these beliefs may have been driven deep into us during one or more traumatic experiences. Was one of the above statements drilled into you in your early years?”
2. In a post on The L.I.S.T ACA Group, a reprint from ACA WSO Webster, lists the “Effects of Abuse and How to Get Past them”, the following suggestions for overcoming abuse are given:
“RECOVERY FROM ABUSE”
1. Share your story – you don’t need to deal with pain alone
2. Believe your story – you have a tendency to discount
3. Establish perpetrator responsibility – recognize it isn’t about you
4. Address the addictions used to numb the pain
5. Realize you can deal with the pain without mood altering substances
6. Learn to recognize, then accept, and then communicate feelings
7. Learn to nurture yourself
8. Build self-esteem and positive body image (affirmations)
9. Deal with family of origin – break the code of secrecy – by writing and talking with other people
10. Learn to be playful
11. Learn that now you do have a chance to live, you do have choices – YOU NEED NOT BE A VICTIM
12. Take back your power – act responsibly, set boundaries that feel comfortable, control sexual
behavior – you can control who enters your life
13. Remind yourself of your strengths
14. Learn you can say “No”
15. Learn to give and receive criticism
16. Stop abusing others
Some links about core issues:
3. PDF of Core Issues to be Addressed for People in Recovery from the Friends of Vermont.
4. Good article by Bill Urell about the three stages of recovery reminds us that the late stage of recovery is dealing with the underlying issues.
Dissociation means not feeling your feelings. You teach yourself how to disconnect from them in several ways. Addiction helps to provide that disconnect. So to think about giving up the one thing that provides the relief of not feeling seems like insanity to the insane mind. How could I live without drinking is the desperate thinking of every soul addicted to alcohol.
Art Mowle who is in long-term recovery writes on his blog. Drinking for a Lifetime, about his experience helping a friend try to get sober. He titled his post, “Lose a Friend“. It helped him to remember how it was. In AA this is called “keeping it green”.
From his blog:
“I grieved and was heartbroken over the loss of alcohol. I grieved the loss of who I was when drinking actually did work. I grieved the fact that I now identified with a group of people that at one time I judged, at one time I swore I wasn’t one of them. I grieved that I would have to work hard at recovery because just abstaining from alcohol wasn’t going to be enough for me. I grieved the loss of a part of me.”
“I feared facing my life without a means to numb and hide from the hard times. I feared that alcoholism really was something that was out of my control. I feared that for me, there would be no turning back once I knew for sure and admitted that I was a true alcoholic.”
“All of this isn’t to say that there isn’t so much to be gained from sobriety. I have a beautiful, sober life now. But, I write this post for anyone who might think that their feelings of grief and sadness are wrong. You need to feel what you feel. And if you feel grief about getting sober, that’s okay. ”
“Shouldn’t I always feel happy now that I’m sober? Fear and grief are real feelings that we all feel. In my experience, having a spiritual connection has greatly reduced these feelings and I still turn to that connection every time I feel fear and grief come up. But, I remember in early sobriety, they were quite common feelings. ”
“So if you’re in those early days please believe me that all of your feelings are normal.”
“And that it does get better.”
If you, or someone you know, is thinking about quitting drinking, another blogger, Belle, has a 100 day challenge to quit. She calls her 5 day audio class, the Sober Jumpstart Class. The class includes:
- This is a 5-part audio class. Every day for 5 days, you will receive a new audio message from me. Yes, my voice, it’s me talking.
- The audio will be in an MP3 file, so you can download it and save it to your iPod to listen to it again if you like. Or listen while running.
- Each day I’ll share with you my best ideas on the nitty-gritty bits of sobriety. So that’s every day for a 5 days, one new audio each day. The audios will be about 10-15 minutes long. I tend to tell stories, some episodes run a little longer.
Another blogger, Primrose, took the class and quit drinking. Her blog is “taking a new path“. She has chosen the following posts of hers as what helped her the most.
- why the idea of Wolfie is working for me
- “What do we say to the god of wine?” “Not today.”
- if there was a scan for alcohol dependency
- Wolfie – the original snake oil salesman?
- nothing as tedious as other people’s dreams