Author Archives: kberman

Reparenting Your Inner Child Means Giving Love to Yourself in New Ways

In learning to reparent your own inner child, reading from other resources may help. I have put most of my reparenting posts on another blog of mine, The Free Road: Reparenting Ourselves.

Some other resources you may use are:

(1)  From Stages of Ages: Rechilding Your Inner Child by Elaine Gowell

Product description:

“Many of us reach Adulthood not ever aware that we have an Inner Child whose thoughts, feelings and early decisions {Core Beliefs) unconsciously govern our every action and reaction. We make child-like decisions which are no longer functional in our adult lives.”

“This book offers a series of experiences which are based on profound knowledge of developmental psychology. These suggested processes focus on the healing of past trauma. The book helps us to raise a new and deeper awareness of the Inner Child in each one of us.”

“As we grow up, we humans pass through specific stages which are clearly delineated in the literature. We know that when our growing up is disturbed by trauma, neglect, overindulgence or other kinds of discounting of our very nature we are left with scars on our soul and psyche.”

“These psychic scars can be gently revived, re-experienced and filled with the loving infusion of ReChilding and Corrective Parenting experiences which are described in this book. Given healthy relationships with healthy therapists who deeply understand the Stages of Development for normal Human beings one can understand that it truly is “Never too late to have a happy Childhood”.”

(2) From  Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul

From The Library Journal:

“This work teaches us to connect our inner adult (logical conscious mind) with our inner child (instinctual or gut feelings) so that we may live conflict-free lives. Paul has worked extensively with this form of psychotherapy, which she calls inner bonding, and is the author of several books on the subject.”

“Through loving behavior and acknowledgment of that “voice” within ourselves, the author claims that we can satisfy our own needs and not be totally dependent on others for happiness. She gives examples through her counseling work with those who want better family, marital, social, and work relationships and encourages outside help for special problems such as alcoholism, sex addiction, and codependency.”

“This is a very helpful book for both individuals and couples who want to learn how to acknowledge their inner needs and address fears and false beliefs that often stem from childhood. Recommended for large self-help and therapy collections.”
– Demetria A. Harvin, “Hospital Medicine,” New York

(3)  From The Turn Around Mom: How an Abuse and Addiction Survivor Stopped the Toxic Cycle for Her Family–and How You Can, Too! by Carrie Sipp

Product description:

“If you grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive, or addictive home, you are intimately familiar with violence, uncertainty, and suppressing your feelings. What you may not know, though, is how to create a sane, structured, and serene home for your own family when you never experienced these things yourself. Now you can.”

“Part courageous memoir, part influential how-to guide, The Turn Around Mom offers the tools you need to end the legacy of toxicity. With chilling vignettes from author Carey Sipp’s own abusive past, plus the tips and techniques she used to turn her life–and thus the lives of her children–around, this stirring story will be the daily touchstone that you and your family deserve.”

Photo credit.

You Are Who You Think You Are: Learn to Curb Your Inner Critic

13036206853_7323c8ba16_zOur self-image is formed by allowing ourselves to be influenced by various authority figures. As we mature and accept the responsibility of defining ourselves, these internalized voices of authority must each be examined and evaluated. It is only when we take back our own power to define ourselves that we are truly free.

Our conscious mind is where thoughts are formed. Our subconscious mind is where our creative mind takes root. As we learn to harness the vast power and energy of the subconscious mind, we are tapping into our real source.

Transactional analysis therapists estimate that we each have 25,000 hours of internalized negative self-talk. We are generally taught what is wrong with us by our authority figures at home, school, church, etc. In an effort to understand who we are, we accept these self-limiting labels as who we are. However, we each individually are the only one who can truly “know” who we are, or, at least, we are in the best position to make the best educated guess. Learn to challenge the “voices” (one of friends called them “the committee”) or negative self-talk you carry around in your head. Listen to what you tell yourself about you.

In learning to monitor your inner critic, learn to first determine if the criticism is helpful. If you find the suggestion to be helpful, next check to see if the inner critic is kind, gentle, and polite to you. If it is in a condemning voice, ask you inner critic to speak kinder to you.

The techniques you may use to change your inner critic from enemy to friend are: speed up the volume, mimic a falsetto voice, etc. My favorite ploy when I was learning this was to scream “Stop”. It is better to practice these techniques while alone. As someone has suggested—learn to join the airwaves until you own the station.

Self-esteem comes from how we evaluate and accept or reject input as well as the foundation we’ve created from the successes we’ve experienced. By learning to focus on our strengths rather than on our weaknesses, we have each take charge of our own destiny.

After learning how to utilize our inner critic, we next need to take charge of our thoughts. What we choose to focus our thinking on determines what we will think and feel about ourselves. You are what you think you are. By substituting positive self-talk for negative self-talk, we are re-programming ourselves for positive action.

Read more here.

Photo credit.