Do You Need to Redesign Your Decision Making?
Paying attention to how you make decisions means learning how to follow your intuition rather than your brain when making decisions. Out intuition contains many parts of our understanding of our world and our experiences. The mind is a wonderful thing and I don’t advise anyone to do without one—at least not while we are on this earth. But learning to lean and trust your whole being is the best way to decide major decisions.
1. From Amy Eden Jollymore: “The Answer resides in Your Gut, Not Your Brainy-Brain”:
We don’t know how to listen to our gut properly. Instead of mucking about in the soul, heart or gut, we hike up into our minds and think it away. We think the opportunity into a twisted shape, an oblivion.
The word should shows up in my own vocabulary in many more ways that as itself, as should. There’s what if, there’s what will they think, they’ll say things, But if I do this…etc. It’s not our fault. We then ask, “What ‘should’ I do?” as we try to figure out an interaction or response, it’s not surprising that we distance ourselves; we were trained from a very young age to receive our answers from our parents and not from inside ourselves. For us it was safest for us to behave in the accepted way in order to get our basic child needs met. So we don’t have much practice (if any) with identifying our gut instincts and following them. That, and, when we take opportunities changeis inevitably involved, and we tend to be change-adverse because it activates so many unresolved traumas. We become confused about the source of our anxiety during change – whether it’s from the current situation or is past trauma transposed upon the present.
The Should Press.
When I put a decision through The Should Press (think Dr. Seuss and the wacky, twisted machines that press-on and remove stars from the bellies of Sneeches)–in doing so, I stamp “should” all over the idea and thereby alienate myself from not just the opportunity but also from being in touch with what, for me, is real.
2. From Leo Frincu: “The Power of Making Decisions”:
A conscious decision can also be associated with setting goals. When we set a goal, we consciously agree to follow a set of actions that are required to make that goal become reality. Everyone has a goal, from trying to lose weightto wanting to become successful or any other goal. When you set a goal to lose weight, you agree to exercise and eat healthy, right? That is because it is a conscious goal; however, lots of people have a hard time accomplishing this goal. You’re probably asking why? When making a decision to eat poorly, subconsciously, you are immediately accepting the consequences.
Subconsciously, you are accepting to look and feel poorly. Somehow, it serves a purpose for you to feel that way. You have probably heard the saying “everything you do is for a reason”. Let me tell you… It is! Your subconscious goal will sabotage your conscious goal. Most of the time, your subconscious goal will prevail. Why? Because it has been there for a long time and it has become part of who you are. You are a walking billboard of your subconscious mind. If you are like me, you’ll find it foolish to set a goal to become successful but somehow allow your actions to lead you in the complete opposite direction. Why? Because somehow being a victim serves a purpose for you.
Once you understand that making a decision means agreeing and accepting the consequences, you’re going to gain more clarity in making decisions and your success rate will increase. It’s going to help you “predict” the future. If you’re aware of the consequences, it will only make sense to make the right decisions that support your goals. My advice to you: “Don’t make decisions based on how you feel. Make decisions based on what your goals are.”
The thing is, handy as it might be, we (and they) cannot sit on the fence in our lives, collecting up people and delaying opportunities to stave off the possibility of a mistake they (and we) can’t handle or ‘failure’.
“Oh sorry. I don’t do mistakes so I know you’d love to know where we stand and be spared from my dipping in and out of your life and your bed for months or even years on end, but that’s just not a decision I can make. What if I become available or decide to change and then you’re not around anymore? What if I have regrets?”
We also cannot sit on the fence in the hope of tipping the other person off the fence or weighing them down with our presence in the hope of getting them to do things on our terms. We definitely cannot expect to have iron clad guarantees, especially because we’re not exactly running around providing them ourselves.
There are very few things you can have an absolute guarantee on – even products tend to come with a limited warranty that expires after a period and is subject to certain conditions. If we could all be guaranteed that whatever decision we make is right, none of us would have to use our brains – we’d just pluck a decision out of our bum and see what unfolds.Part of being a mature, responsible, accountable grown-up involves making decisions, and yes at times, experiencing mistakes. You’ve got to be brave.