ACA: The Ground Zero for Addiction: Part Two

Why has ACA become the ground zero for addiction: Part 2:

2.  “Parental Support” from the blog, Understanding My Son,  which is about the author’s journey to understand her autistic son.

“As a parent of an autistic child, where do you find support?  Only on the internet via your blog?  Do you have a face-to-face network?  What is it like?”

“For the past two or three years I’ve been attending Al-anon and ACOA meetings.  In our format, a topic is introduced, there’s often a corresponding reading, and then attendees will reflect on how the topic applies to their life.  But each share is supposed to focus on the members experience, strength and hope.”

“Negative venting happens, of course, but the point is to figure out how to take a situation and make it better.  Perhaps by acknowledging your part in a situation and taking an action to correct it, or perhaps by realizing there is nothing that can be done and simply accepting your current reality with grace.”

“Our BOCES is trying to start a support network among the parents of autistic children in our school district.  I’ve attended all of the meetings, but they’re awful.  There’s no mutual support, offering suggestions for what works in other houses, no positive reflections on what is working or proactive ideas for how to address a problem.  There isn’t even a hug or an expression of empathy when someone is having a difficult time.  It’s mostly just bitching and blaming.  Two families arrive angry – every single time.  They talk about causes and lawsuits.  There’s another family I’m trying to connect with but progress has been slow.  I’ve tried exporting what I know from alanon – not in a preachy way, I just mean I try to share a recent success or a problem we’re having and what we’re currently trying in addressing the problem.  It goes over like a lead balloon.”

“However, I refuse to give up on the group.  I want to believe that the anger will fade with time and we can actually support one another in a meaningful way.  There’s another meeting tomorrow and I’m looking forward to it with equal parts dread and anticipation.  Last time we met I ended up ranting on a post here that I had to make private, there was just nothing good that would come of leaving that out in the ether.  Tomorrow, whatever happens, I’ll find the good and accept the rest.  And continue to use my blog to find the kind of support I need. “

3. Syd is another favorite recovery blogger who sails, lives in  England, and writes about understanding alcoholism from Al-Anon and ACOA. In this post,“Adultchildrenofalcoholics”, he writes about his post he writes about how these children grow up without a childhood.

“Sadly enough, many children who grew up in alcoholic homes also become alcoholic or marry one. It is what we know how to do–seek out the familiar–even if the familiar is hurtful.  I can think back on so many relationships that were not right, largely because I was attracted to those who were most familiar, yet the most injurious to me.”

“We really grew up with such a sense of responsibility that there was scarce time for childlike fun.  I know that I would escape through play from the anxiety that was always just below the surface.  Lives are lived in fear of being found out.  So we learn to hide feelings and the truth from others. We lived life from the standpoint of victims, and became reactors. I know that I did what I could to drive people away so that they would abandon me because I wanted to be the victim.”

“It is amazing really what alcoholism does to those who don’t even drink.  I took on all the characteristics of the disease without ever being alcoholic.  When the characteristics of an adult child of an alcoholic were read tonight,  I recognized the “old” me in every single line.  But the “new” me who has been in recovery for four years now sees that there has been a behavioral change.  I no longer exhibit every characteristic. “

“That indicates to me that there has been a profound change in how I view others  and myself since coming to Al-Anon.  Yes, I still have a fear of abandonment, but it is not as crippling a fear as it once was.  I see that my relationship with others has changed for the better.  I am no longer wanting to solve their problems or accept responsibility for their actions. And I have learned to appreciate who I am at last–imperfect but okay.”

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