My Childhood Home Controlled My Emotions for 50 Years
Having grownup in a home controlled by alcoholism, I was able to see my addiction very early. Thanksgiving, 1976, I told my family that I thought I was an alcoholic. I fully expected everyone to disagree with me. But, my mother said that she had been afraid of that.
So I was stuck with the admission and being the “perfect daughter”, I never drank again and went to AA. I had no idea that I wouldn’t discover until 33 years later than I had experienced PTSD in that home which would continue to shape and direct me until 2009 for a period of over 60 years.
I am on the Alltop Recovery Page—-One of only 16 chosen sites.
I Had to Learn How to Retrain My Brain
I never realized that my way of thinking everything was a major disaster was contributing to my life's disasters. In other words, I was creating the drama instead of just reacting to it. So I learned that if I created the drama, I could uncreate it. The simple technique I used was to shout "Stop!" at my obsessive thinking. Scream it loud enough and you tend to get your own attention.
I learned that my mind was out to get me--or, at the very least, my mind was out to control me. I think that I was addicted to feeling bad. The main reward from negative thinking is low expectations of ourselves. If you think you're not worth much, you don't have to do much.
Negative thinking or fear controlled my mind and therefore my emotions. I also have learned that feelings can't hurt me unless I hold on to them.
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) is Ground Zero for Addiction
The ACA Red Book gave me the blueprint to heal the negative emotional patterns I had learned in childhood. It was more important to me than any book I had ever read about recovery. I came to see that growing up in a home dominated by alcoholism overshadowed every other experience I had as a child.
So my primary addiction healing had to be changing those ways I had learned to cope in a family torn apart by a substance one family member chose to use to control his feelings of helplessness. Alcohol was in charge and we all learned ways to bend to its control.
Peace in my heart brings peace to the family,
Peace in the family brings peace to the community.
Peace in the community brings peace to the nation.
Peace in the nation brings peace to the world.
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
The High Energy Life 12 Week Plan integrates all the tools for living a healthy, balanced life. Many times busy people will see or read something that they would love to integrate into their lives. They also lack the time to plan and execute a total health plan.
Emotional health is directly connected to our physical health. Choosing healthy ways (exercise, meditation, centering, and deep breathing) to deal with stress go far toward our overall health. The mind-body connection is the way your body responds to how you think, feel and act.
The topics for each week are listed on 12 Week High Energy Topics. By clicking this post, you can look at all 12 weeks at one time.
Kathy Berman Blogs 2013
Addiction Recovery Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) Online
Our Online Retreat: A Place to Strengthen Our Faith
The Five Blogs I Created to Teach Blogging
Use Your Favorite Blogs to Share Ideas
Coral Cay Blogs How to Create a Blog Empire A Coral Cay Blog for Selling My Coral Cay Blog
I Do Email Coaching
If you are in a stuck place, it generally feels like everything is wrong with your life. But it isn’t. Instead you have most of your attention on that which it seems you can’t fix. The reality is by making a conscious effort and a true letting go, any problem can be set right. In a few email sessions, if you’re committed to implementing change, you can feel new energy and direction flowing into your life.
Codependency is a pattern of loving someone excessively in order to control the other person.
Healthy relationships have shared power. The main reason for conflict in relationships is power and how it is shared. Shared power in relationships is the only ingredient in relationships that determines how healthy the union is.
Unfortunately, when a person decides to give up his/her addiction, if he/she is part of a couple, the other partner will also have to change. Without the addiction to feed the addict’s sense of reality, the recovering person is awakened to the reality of the power balance in the relationship.
Healing begins when, in spite of all the negative self-talk going on inside a person, that person feels someone caring and loving them for no apparent reason. This unconditional love comes in spite of attempts by the loved one to find a motive in the lover. Unconditional love means no judgment so no motive is found other than that the loved is indeed lovable. This love changes a person forever.
Our Online Retreat: A Place to Strengthen Our Faith
The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite is indifference. When you no longer have feelings for someone, you have no reaction to them. When you feel hate, there is still emotion for that person there.
This is the reason abusers can hold on to the abused. Anger may be covering hurt or feelings of entitlement. Generally, unless the abuser has a spiritual experience, the abused must move either emotionally and/or physically away from the abuser.
No real reform comes except from a contrite heart. Separation while recovery is taking place can bring quicker results as this leaves both parties more opportunity for self-reflection.
How I Began to Discover Serenity
When I began my spiritual journey, the first quality in others that I was attracted to was serenity. I didn’t know that I was attracted to the quality of serenity. Instead I was attracted to serene people. I was going to AA and one of the strengths that you are taught in 12 step meetings was to learn how to help others.
The meetings that I volunteered for were overseen by this man that was so calm and peaceful that I knew I wanted whatever he had. Finally one night I asked how he had gotten whatever he had. It was hard for him to define “it”. But he recommended a little pamphlet named "Acceptance". The booklet taught me two major lessons.
The first lesson was the story of the man in the desert with the whirling dervishes. Someone came up to the man and asked him what he did about the whirling dervishes and he said that he just let them whirl. What a concept! I was beginning to be introduced to detachment and letting it go and change what you can and let the rest go.
The second lesson I learned from the booklet was an illustration that contained an explanation of serenity as picturing a swan beautifully gliding on the surface of the water. But under the water, the swan was paddling furiously in order to go forward. With my thinking at the time, I thought that this seemed dishonest. Such was the power of my brain to distort everything I experienced.
Learn How to Reparent Yourself and Others
I have believed for years that addiction is cured only when we learn how to reparent ourselves. This includes not only healing our inner child but also healing all the children we have within.
The twelve steps are essential for turning a negative addiction direction into a spiritual direction. However, the balance comes from not allowing the group to be another addiction used to avoid family and friends. Twelve Steps: Recovery is a Return to Sanity